This will be the final part of “the best advice” mini-series, addressing the area of elementary school age and beyond.

photo from sodahead.com

On the twin connection: 

“I read an article written by 18-year-old twin sisters attending different colleges. They agreed that the strangest part of that experience had been remembering to refer to themselves singly: “my birthday,” “my mom,” etc rather than “our.” That put into perspective that they not only share the same home life, as all siblings do, but also their external childhood experiences: same grade in school, same Sunday school class/teacher, same sports teams, many of the same friends, etc. No wonder the bond is so strong.” – Stacy L., mom to 2-year-old identical twin daughters

On perspective: 

“We pretty much threw ourselves into parenting…..till the girls were 2 and our older son was 5. We went on a short term mission trip that was great for both of us to see ministry outside of parenting. It caused us to come home and 1. work on our marriage hard core, 2. seek to see what God was doing outside of our family.”- Penny F., mom to 28-year-old fraternal twin daughters (who are both pregnant and due within 10 weeks of each other!), and a 31-year-old son

“During pregnancy, I was given a “Chicken Soup for Moms of Twins and More” book, and there’s a story in it about a woman who gave birth to triplets in the 1910s — obviously, a complete shock. Her husband would go away during the week for work, leaving her home to care for all three babies in a small apartment. In the early days, when sleep was at a premium and I felt sorry for myself with all of the pumping and bottle washing and diaper changing, I thought of that woman, who had an extra baby and no refrigerator, dishwasher, Diaper Genie or Netflix subscription!! All of a sudden, life didn’t look so bleak.” – Stacy L., mom to 2-year-old identical twin daughters

On whether to separate your twins or keep them in the same class at school:

“Put them in the same class.  Plenty of people will argue with you and of course you know your kids better than anyone else.  But when it comes to remembering which days you have to wear tennis shoes (PE) or which days to return the library book or the amount of HW or even if one kid gets a great teacher and the other doesn’t….the same class just evens everything out.” – Heather B., mom to 10-year-old identical twin daughters

As a counterbalance, I’ll add that another twin mama said the opposite to me in a conversation a few months ago. She said that separating her twins helped tremendously with their ability to get along together when they were back at home. She said that it was harder on her than on them.

For us – we have a year (or less) to decide what to do when they attend kindergarten. So far, they’ve been in the same class for each year of preschool, which seems comforting to them to have each other and certainly is easier on us in terms of remembering school-related details. Both sides have unique appeals: I like the idea of them being able to cultivate their own friend groups and classroom experience; but on the other side, they’ve never been without each other for longer than a few hours, and I wonder what the impact could be on them of separation.

I would love to hear the experiences of my fellow twin parents who are reading along – what did you do? Would you recommend it or not? Why or why not?

(And note that only positive and encouraging/helpful comments will be approved – no adding to the all-too-common online “mom wars.” We are all warriors doing hard things and so let’s support each other in every way we can.)

If you want to continue to follow along, subscribe to my blog or like my Facebook page “Hidden Glory” to get updates. For the month of October, I’m participating in “Write31Days” and my series is “31 Days of Parenting Twins.” 

#write31days series/IRL note: For the next week, I will have double features for each day to give space to catch up with the 31-day series. Everything I wrote about regarding how raising twins takes a village and abundant grace we have experienced the past few weeks, this past week especially as the girls were sick and couldn’t go to school the.entire.week. With the exception of A. going on Wed. – but then spiking a fever of 103 later that night. #momguilt The village of grace looked like me reaching out for help and asking for meals, and friends graciously reading between the lines to know that this meant I felt pretty desperate. At the end of this week, I can honestly say that I feel both worn out and refreshed. #graceparadox

Ok – if you’re like me, you probably had no idea that there were so many books on twins out there. All of these were extremely helpful, and I’ll try to categorize these as “best for …” in order to differentiate between them.

#1 – Best for twin pregnancy, labor, and delivery: 

When You’re Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads by Dr. Barbara Luke and Tamara Eberlein

Besides making you feel like, “whew! I *only* have twins,” Dr. Luke is warm in tone and knowledgeable in her advice. It was almost as great as my biweekly visits to my incredible OB-GYN and midwife. It includes sections on bed rest, a recipe collection at the back of the book, specific weight gain goals, and what to expect if your babies spend time in the NICU.

#2 – Best for practical tips and advice for pregnancy through year one of twins: 

Twinspiration: Real Life Advice from Pregnancy Through the First Year by Cheryl Lage

This mother of twins throws in lots of humor to make you laugh as you wonder how in the world you’ll make it through … ! She also has a great blog that has been incredibly helpful to let me know what to expect along this journey, since her twins are a few years older than mine.

#3 – Best for practical tips and advice from newborn to toddler phase of twins: 

Juggling Twins by Meghan Regan-Loomis 

This is another mother of twins who is also quite humorous. My mother-in-law read this book and she said she found it very helpful – that it covers everything and gives specific ideas. I wholeheartedly agree.

#4 – Best balance of medical advice and practical wisdom for the first 5 years of twins by a mother who’s also a pediatrician:

Raising Twins: From Pregnancy to Preschool by Dr. Shelly Vaziri Flais

She is straight-forward with helpful advice and not a lot of “fluff” with a style that is both readable and practical, like discussing the specific steps of how to actually transport twins from your house to the car when they’re still infants.

#5 and #6 – Best for sleeping and feeding advice for the first year of twins if you choose to take a more structured approach:

“A Contented House With Twins” by Gina Ford and Alice Beer 

There will be some British English “translation” required – such as deciphering that “dummy” refers to pacifier/etc. It’s a combination book, written primarily by a British nanny who’s an expert on child-rearing with introductions to each chapter by a twin mom. She is very, very specific, giving an hourly/daily schedule as a guideline which could be off-putting to some. Worth sorting through for some good gems and advice on the desperate days and weeks of raising newborn twins. Especially if you don’t read her book title as a promise!

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins by Dr. Marc Weissbluth 

Dr. Weissbluth applies his formative insights and instruction on developing healthy sleep habits from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child to twins. It’s best to read/browse his general sleep book first, and then read the twins version.

It’s been a full week – the week of “Camp” where my girls got to be part of Camp Jr., and my husband and I helped out with running the sports and arts camp that our church puts on every year in a low-income housing project. I love that it’s more than the traditional vacation Bible school – much more demographically diverse, and that it’s a launching pad to relationships with this community that we as a church nurture throughout the year. But, yes, it’s also exhausting, and we are all thankful for a low-key Saturday ahead of us.

I’ll start with Five Minute “Friday” – this week’s prompt is “dream”:

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Dreams are what fuel ambition. They get me through the mundane and the monotonous that always comes with pursuing a dream. Like the dream of writing a book. It feels glorious until you hit writer’s block and you have a third of the book left to write. It feels better-than-amazing until faced with the challenge of carving out enough time to write from the busyness that is life.

And the dream of marriage and parenting (and a white-picket fence). We don’t have a white-picket fence, but in realizing the dream of owning our first home we also have the reality of endless home projects and maintenance/repair. Marriage and parenting? Those dreams are good and beautiful dreams, as long as I don’t let the difficulty of their real-life day-to-day taint the dream itself. The dream I had/have of marriage and parenting could be what keeps me going despite the seasons that feel so at odds with the original dream. The essence of my dream? Building a community of love around THE love of Christ. To walk towards that, to remember that, even when irritated by the competing of dreams … well, that’s worth recapturing.

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photo credit: vallartasport.com

I’ve never been one for risks. I trembled when standing on the edge of the 10 foot drop, about to leap into the lake below behind my teenage friends. I likewise hated the twice-ever rappelling down the side of a mountain as part of summer camp. I like to hang behind, assess a situation, and then gradually ease in. No surprise to tell you that I’ve never been one for high diving boards, and sky diving is not on my bucket list.

But there are ventures that I have dared to attempt. I’ve been on overseas mission trips to Haiti, Mexico, and Ireland with hardly a second thought. It terrified me, yes, but I still did it because there was something worth risking for. I entered into marriage relatively quickly – only after 1 year of friendship, 6 months of dating, and 6 months of engagement – I walked down the aisle and say my forever-and-always yes. It felt daring but safe all at the same time. I trusted my husband, but most importantly, I trusted God.

Then there have been risks and dares that I’ve been given. Like raising twins. And beginning a book proposal. And shifting careers, and a few break-ups before the marriage-to-the-man-of-my-dreams. So I may be more careful in calculating risk, but then that might make me more brave when I do perform a daring act.

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Part of Five Minute Friday and the 31-day writing challenge. Read more here.