Days 18 & 19: the best advice for twins, elementary school age and beyond

This will be the final part of “the best advice” mini-series, addressing the area of elementary school age and beyond.

photo from sodahead.com

photo from sodahead.com

On the twin connection: 

“I read an article written by 18-year-old twin sisters attending different colleges. They agreed that the strangest part of that experience had been remembering to refer to themselves singly: “my birthday,” “my mom,” etc rather than “our.” That put into perspective that they not only share the same home life, as all siblings do, but also their external childhood experiences: same grade in school, same Sunday school class/teacher, same sports teams, many of the same friends, etc. No wonder the bond is so strong.” – Stacy L., mom to 2-year-old identical twin daughters

On perspective: 

“We pretty much threw ourselves into parenting…..till the girls were 2 and our older son was 5. We went on a short term mission trip that was great for both of us to see ministry outside of parenting. It caused us to come home and 1. work on our marriage hard core, 2. seek to see what God was doing outside of our family.”- Penny F., mom to 28-year-old fraternal twin daughters (who are both pregnant and due within 10 weeks of each other!), and a 31-year-old son

“During pregnancy, I was given a “Chicken Soup for Moms of Twins and More” book, and there’s a story in it about a woman who gave birth to triplets in the 1910s — obviously, a complete shock. Her husband would go away during the week for work, leaving her home to care for all three babies in a small apartment. In the early days, when sleep was at a premium and I felt sorry for myself with all of the pumping and bottle washing and diaper changing, I thought of that woman, who had an extra baby and no refrigerator, dishwasher, Diaper Genie or Netflix subscription!! All of a sudden, life didn’t look so bleak.” – Stacy L., mom to 2-year-old identical twin daughters

On whether to separate your twins or keep them in the same class at school:

“Put them in the same class.  Plenty of people will argue with you and of course you know your kids better than anyone else.  But when it comes to remembering which days you have to wear tennis shoes (PE) or which days to return the library book or the amount of HW or even if one kid gets a great teacher and the other doesn’t….the same class just evens everything out.– Heather B., mom to 10-year-old identical twin daughters

As a counterbalance, I’ll add that another twin mama said the opposite to me in a conversation a few months ago. She said that separating her twins helped tremendously with their ability to get along together when they were back at home. She said that it was harder on her than on them.

For us – we have a year (or less) to decide what to do when they attend kindergarten. So far, they’ve been in the same class for each year of preschool, which seems comforting to them to have each other and certainly is easier on us in terms of remembering school-related details. Both sides have unique appeals: I like the idea of them being able to cultivate their own friend groups and classroom experience; but on the other side, they’ve never been without each other for longer than a few hours, and I wonder what the impact could be on them of separation.

I would love to hear the experiences of my fellow twin parents who are reading along – what did you do? Would you recommend it or not? Why or why not?

(And note that only positive and encouraging/helpful comments will be approved – no adding to the all-too-common online “mom wars.” We are all warriors doing hard things and so let’s support each other in every way we can.)

If you want to continue to follow along, subscribe to my blog or like my Facebook page “Hidden Glory” to get updates. For the month of October, I’m participating in “Write31Days” and my series is “31 Days of Parenting Twins.” 

One thought on “Days 18 & 19: the best advice for twins, elementary school age and beyond

  1. Pingback: write 31 days: parenting twins | hidden glory

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