Author: Heather Davis Nelson

Five Minute Friday: “reflect”

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments

She peers into her new mirror, eager to catch a glimpse of the princess ballerina in her pink dress. Changes clothes again and runs over to see how her reflection has changed.

photo credit: ayearwithoutmirrors.com

photo credit: ayearwithoutmirrors.com

Somewhere along the years, these girls who are delighted to see their indelible God-beauty turn into teens obsessed by the imperfections and then women who never quite like what the mirror reflects. And so plastic surgery is a booming American industry. And clothing and fashion and cosmetics and magazines, as we women seek to change the image reflected before us.

What if, instead, I peered into the perfect word that gives freedom? The Word of God that reflects who I am truly? The beauty that is indelible because of Jesus and because of God’s image stamped upon me, his name written on my identity, his authorship of my story. If I gazed deeply into this never-ending glory of truth that rings real, of promises that beautify, of love that is never-stopping-always-pursuing … would I reflect the Beloved more fully to a world desperate for a glimpse? Whose attempts at this love, this beauty, fall far short of reflecting the Truth they falsely emulate?

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I’m sneaking in my Five Minute Friday post, an hour before midnight, as a way to join a group of writers spontaneously and artfully and freely pouring words onto paper for five minutes every Friday.

what I learned in November

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 1 Comment

I’ve skipped a few months, but I’m joining in again with Emily Freeman over at “Chatting at the Sky” for her “What I learned in November” post. Without further ado, here are a few random things I learned this month:

1. There is an actual breed of gigantic-sized rabbits that people own as pets called “Flemish giants.” My friend Seyward ran into one in real life and told our community group about it. We had to look up pictures, and I would say that I am now convinced that our family needs our own Flemish giant as a pet. I mean, who could say no to this picture?!

 

2. When using my iPhone camera, if I tap on a certain part of the picture, it will focus the light there – thus making an otherwise dark picture lighter, for example. (Thanks to my sister-in-law’s sister, Kelli, for that tip!)

3. Also in the new iOS 7, “Reminders” can also become files – like “Notes.” Just click on “Reminders,” and you can start a new list of reminders. So now I have a “Babysitter” list to remind me of all the dates when I need a babysitter for. Genius!

4. There are a TON of “Extreme” shows that I didn’t know existed – like “Extreme Couponing.” For real. My friend Erin told me about this one, that it shows women who spend 4-5 HOURS grocery shopping with all of their coupons to save the most money. One woman even has an entire closet devoted to her coupon files. Wow.

5. Yes, I’m a bit slow on this one. But I could not believe that Kim and Kanye named their baby, “North.” So, yes, his full name is “North West.”

6. These two YouTube sensations are [sort of] funny and apparently really big trends right now: “Friday” and “What does the fox say.”

7. I tend to feel like I’m sliding into winter doldrums in November, and what seems to help the most is quality, refreshing time away from kiddos with girlfriends and dates with my husband.

8. Making a mattress purchase is an excruciating process, because of (a) the amount of money involved in such a purchase, (b) the amount of time spent in sleep every night – one third of your life if you do it right, and (c) the crazy pressure of mattress stores – worse than car salesmen, I think! But we finally found one we both liked from “The Original Mattress Factory,” which outshone its competition in both pricing and lack-of pressured sales.

9. My daughters can teach me a lot about thankfulness, especially during Thanksgiving. Two quotes – while praying, she said, “God, thank you for everything that’s good and everything that’s not good. Amen.”And this same daughter also came in to the kitchen while Mom and I were cooking and spontaneously announced, “I’m thankful for everyone who’s here!”

10. When your precious, delightful three-year-old twins begin waking up and coming into your room earlier and earlier and earlier … it is time to buy the wake-up clock. This one worked wonders for us and restored some morning sanity. They really don’t come get me until the clock turns green. And we get to decide when the “magic” time will be. Problem solved!

Five Minute “Friday” (or Saturday): “Fly”

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 2 Comments

It’s Saturday, but I will not pass up my weekly opportunity to free write on a given word in five minutes with Lisa Jo’s Five Minute Friday community. So here it is …

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photo credit: miacarina.com

She spins and twirls, pink sparkly princess dress flowing out in a perfect circle. She spreads her arms, and knows she is flying. To fly – to float above the world that anchors us into reality, concrete, visible. Could it be that to live by faith is to fly? Not entirely detached from this earth, but able to see what’s above it?

I am always amazed by the blue sky that exists when cruising at 10,000 feet above sea level. On the most dreary, grey day, there is always sunshine to be seen when you fly. Of course, you must also descend back through those rough (often turbulent) clouds at some point. And that brings the terror into flying for many. To fly is to defy gravity, at least for a brief moment.

We all dream of flying. Of being as free as a bird, floating in the air, high above our problems and what weighs us down. If I could fly … would I? Or would it feel too terrifying to be thus unanchored from all I’ve known?

To fly – to live unencumbered like a three-year-old dancing, to have perspective on my life from “above,” to know the blue sky exists above the cloud cover, to be free as a bird – this is a life of faith in a God who sets us free, who gives perspective, who always bring joy after sorrow, with whom we live unencumbered when we live in him.

 

On my bookshelf

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 2 Comments

20131121-112437.jpgAlthough I haven’t posted about books in awhile, I have still been reading a lot … no surprise to those of you who know what a bookworm I am. This “on my bookshelf” is actually from a couple weeks ago – but without further ado, here we go with my review of the above. It’s a good sampling of what I usually am reading – fiction, a faith book, a cultural/counseling study, and some sort of devotional.

Fiction:  Shanghai Girls by Lisa See is a riveting glimpse into a period of history I don’t usually consider – that of pre-WWII China before the Japanese invasion and Mao’s Communism, following the story of two Chinese sisters who escaped to the US through Angel Island, only then to be under the harsh accusation of being Communist decades later. See’s books are well written, both in terms of literary form and story. Two previous ones I’ve read by her are Snow Flower and the Secret Fan and Dreams of Joy (this last one is actually a sequel to Shanghai Girls – I read them out of order!).

Faith: Gospel In Life small group study by Tim Keller is an excellent resource for any community of faith small group to study. The format is great – with a thought-provoking individual study to prepare for weekly group meetings; then discussion questions based around a DVD lecture by Keller; and good suggestions for applications to put into practice what we study. I’ve been challenged to examine how well our small group community actually reflects the biblical shape of a faith community (caring for one another; bearing each other’s burdens; encouraging/exhorting one another; etc.). Another theme that challenges and moves me to action is how living out the gospel leads us to engage our cities in real ways. That we need to be involved in our cities and neighborhoods for the sake of our faith as much as for the sake of the city.

Cultural/counseling: Daring Greatly by Brene Brown is one you’ve heard me talk about here before. I just can’t read her enough – after The Gifts of Imperfection, this is a longer more comprehensive look at how the principles she discovered through her shame research are worked out in what she terms as “Wholehearted living.”

Devotional: Help, Thanks, Wow by Anne Lamott is a book recommended to me by a favorite older friend at church. It’s as unconventional as she is (love you, Ann), and also refreshingly thought-provoking. Lamott always does this for me – puts spiritual truths in words that I can hear in a new way (too often I am calloused by familiarity with church-y words and Christian culture). And so Lamott has condensed prayer life into three cries of the heart: “help,” which is obvious; “thanks,” which is also self-explanatory; and “wow,” which was the newest piece to me. I close with a few words on “wow” –

When we are stunned to the place beyond words, when an aspect of life takes us away from being able to chip away at something until it’s down to a manageable size and then to file it nicely away, when all we can say in response is ‘Wow,’ that’s a prayer. … What can we say beyond Wow, in the presence of glorious art, in music so magnificent that it can’t have originated solely on this side of things? Wonder takes our breath away, and makes room for new breath.

Five Minute Friday: “tree”

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments

It is five minutes before Friday is over, but I will still post. It’s been a long day, and one which has ended infinitely better than it started [I am at the beach with friends for a getaway; this morning I was greeted by demanding three-year-olds awaking an hour earlier than norm after a night of sleep that felt too short]. The weeks have been full; writing has felt like a luxury I couldn’t afford in between survival and to-do lists and conversations and work.

Yet I will come this Friday and join in this weekly rhythm of writing, five minutes on an assigned topic. Here I go …

“tree”

photo credit: http://www.sxc.hu

It stands as a metaphor for life’s seasons and rhythms. Wintry barrenness, stark silhouettes of branches against grey sky remind me of the beauty of winter which can feel so bare yet it so necessary. Solitude belongs here. It gives way to buds blossoming in the glory of spring – of recreation, renewal, refreshment, life after death, resurrection. The life was at work in the barren branches, but that life was hidden until spring’s release. And then summer, ahhh summer. My favorite of seasons. Vibrancy; full green leaf flourishes; verdant. These are the peaks of life when all feels as it should; when life abundant is evident and overflowing.

But what’s most glorious in the life of a tree? It is autumn. Death on display yielding radiant hues of unmatched beauty. As a tree gives up its life; color reigns and the world radiates and shines. Trees take center stage as they move from summer to winter, from life to death. And isn’t it so in the life of a soul? That as I lay down my life, as I yield in the daily death of sacrifice, as I face what feels impossible, I will shine with the grace of my Savior. Whose death yields life for me daily. Whose death set the world aflame with glorious beauty of hope – that spring and summer will always come again.

Five Minute Friday: “truth”

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments

“I am the way, the truth, and the life,” claims Jesus, against our culture of relativity where we say there can be no absolute truth. There is my truth; there is your truth; but to claim there is THE truth? That’s heretical to a postmodern way of looking at life. Truth – it’s what my daughter is named for, “Alethia,” the Greek word for truth. With her twin, Lucia, meaning “light,” we pray that they do bring more of what our world desperately needs – truth and light.

True truth isn’t cold, stifling, and dusty – like old books in an ancient library. True truth brings life, hope, joy, as I align my life with it. Truth is meant to dispel the lies I too easily wrap my life and heart around, to free me from such captivity so that I can walk in the truth of who I am. Not covered and hiding by the lies that keep me from truth.

Truth brings justice; calling out wrong for what it is; bringing us to what is right. All of us have an absolute truth we live out of, but is this truth aligned with something deeper – greater – bigger? There is great comfort to me to know truth rooted in the foundation of the world itself – to know truth in a Person, the one who truly knows me and truly knows the world – and then invites me to find the life found in aligning with this Truth. Truth is found in relationship with this True One. Therein is Life and freedom to walk out of the darkness of lies’ deceit.

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Today I’m participating in Lisa-Jo’s “Five Minute Friday,” a chance to write unedited for five minutes on a word given by Lisa-Jo each Friday. Come join us!

Five Minute Friday: grace

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 2 Comments

I used to think of grace as a word lax Christians used to excuse their sin. Did I need grace? Certainly not. As a self-professed “good girl,” growing up as the oldest daughter who kept the rules (at least outwardly) gave me my secure identity as a good Christian who didn’t really need grace. That was for those other “sinners.”

And then my sophomore year of college hit. I tried following the law in ways I hadn’t tried before: one-hour long daily devotional times of prayer and Bible study; leading a discipleship group weekly; seeking opportunities to share my faith with others; trying, trying, striving, striving. Where did I end up? Exhausted. Weary. Literally an insomniac plagued with worry for what if … what if I wasn’t doing enough?

The following summer I hit my knees out of desperation. I remember crying out to God, begging for him to help me because I couldn’t do it anymore.

Enter grace. It flooded in like color into my formerly black-and-white world. Grace was everywhere that summer. In the book of Romans I was reading; in our pastor’s sermons every Sunday; in conversations with my best friend who was also undergoing a “grace revolution.” It was like the advent of technicolor into my Christian life.

photo credit: cultofmac.com

photo credit: cultofmac.com

I needed grace, and that’s when I began to experience it. For grace is generously lavished upon all who know that they need it.

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Today I’m participating in Lisa-Jo’s “Five Minute Friday,” a chance to write unedited for five minutes on a word given by Lisa-Jo each Friday. Come join us!

what keeps me from creativity

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments

In reading through Brene Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, her chapter on creativity was particularly thought-provoking and inspiring. [The mark of a great author is to do both, and Brown does this so well!] I began last week with my thoughts on “why a non-crafty mom needs creativity” and wrote it as “part 1” of my creativity thoughts. Here is part two.

First, my experiments with creativity over the past week:

a “thankful” banner for this Thanksgiving season20131030-142731.jpg

I ventured into the mess; bought craft paint for my girls to paint a pumpkin with; and let them go to it. We all had fun, and the mess was less than I thought it would be.

I also bought glue sticks for them. (yes, small step – but really a big leap forward for me) They are the look purple-dry clear type. Which meant my girls used them as paint. And while I sipped my morning coffee on Sunday, I looked up to find purple glue everywhere. On the tile floor, on the refrigerator … you get the picture. I was reminded why I often don’t venture into the arts and crafts realm with twin three-year-olds. The good thing is that they’re old enough now to consider it fun to clean up their mess. Which they did.

And then perhaps a less conventional expression of creativity happened when I stuffed the dirty pots and pans into the kitchen cabinets because I had 12 dinner guests from my neighborhood bunco group arriving in 2 minutes. When I texted my mom this picture, she said – “See, look! You are creative, Heather!”20131030-142809.jpg

But back to my original question – of what keeps me from creativity? Fear of mess is an obvious one, but that really isn’t the main obstacle. Brown speaks about creativity’s opposite as depression. And quite frankly, I think that depression can cause lack of creativity just as much as lack of creativity can cause depression. One is a symptom of the other. The motherhood season between 18-month-old and two-and-a-half year old twin girls was not my favorite. Along with living what felt like a depressed version of myself, there was an accompanying lack of creativity. Survival seemed to be all I could do day-in and day-out, trying to muster up enough energy to make it till naptime was my daily goal. Creativity? Forget it! I couldn’t even “creatively” choose anything besides the same exact lunch every day.

Yet slowly, surely, quietly, step-by-step, God brought me out of that hard season. And as depression dissipated, I noticed the resurgence of creativity. In small ways, like being spontaneous instead of needing to plan every minute of every day, and in returning to life-giving creative pursuits. For me, highest on that list is writing. And so I began to blog regularly, starting with my personal June challenge of daily blogging inspired by Grethen Rubin’s The Happiness Project. As I wrote more, I began to notice and savor life and those I love more. And then I had more to write about, and on and on it goes …

The one thing that still can threaten my creativity is what Brown identifies as the trap of comparison. When we begin comparing to others, we cease creating. I feel either false pride in being “better than” or (way more often) paralyzed by my perception of another’s creativity as much more inspired/better/talented than mine. Take this small example of doing a group craft project at a friend’s house a few weeks ago. We were painting wooden spoons, using painting tape to make stripes/etc. Overall, I had a great time. Making art is fun; getting to chat with other friends while doing so – even better. But then the insidious lie of comparison crept into my head. I looked at the other spoons and concluded that theirs were better – more creative – more beautiful. Mine just seemed so … plain. 

How ironic that is was the day after, in my “post-comparison hangover,” that I first read these words that Brown wrote in reflecting on how creativity slowly dissipated in her home as her parents shifted focus from living to acquiring:

My parents were launched on the accomplishments and acquisitions track, and creativity gave way to that stifling combination of fitting in and being better than, also known as comparison.

I’ll close here for today, as a poignant reminder to us that begs the question: am I focused more on fitting in with others or creating as an outflow of who I am, where I am?

Five Minute Friday: “together”

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 2 Comments

As kids, my two younger brothers and I would laugh at mom’s desire for “family together time.” We made fun of her for how much she wanted us to be together, even if that together time wasn’t filled with anything “special.” Now I admire her desire (shared and fostered by my dad, too) to be sure that we did share this most precious of commodity together as a family: time. Dinners every night; one weekend night that was devoted to “family fun,” even when I was in high school and rolled my eyes and copped a bad attitude. They were committed to us being together. Whatever that included.

[photo credit: image from inspiremeheather.com]

Now we live up and down the East Coast – literally from the coast of Maine down to the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains in the Carolinas. “Together” for the extended Davis family is a rare commodity. One we last shared in our annual May beach week; the next one yet to be scheduled since there are two December babies due (my sisters-in-law’s, not mine!); and we Nelsons will be celebrating what’s likely to be the last New Jersey Nelson Christmas since plans are in motion for my in-laws to move closer to us next summer.

Together is precious, as precious as ever, even more so because it is so infrequent. Together isn’t about what you do; it’s about who you are with and what we share: time, faith, emotions, joys, sorrows. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for teaching me the value of “together.”

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Today I’m participating in Lisa-Jo’s “Five Minute Friday,” a chance to write unedited for five minutes on a word given by Lisa-Jo each Friday. Come join us!

why a self-described non-crafty mom needs creativity

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 8 Comments

“I just am not a craft-type mom.” I’ve said this many times, so many times that I actually believe it and actively avoid most art projects with my preschoolers (at home). But in reading Brene Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection, I was confronted with my suppressed creativity and my need to rediscover the creative side of my life as part of who I am. You see, I have been described as “creative” for most of my life, until about 10 years ago when I started seminary (no coincidence, I’m sure … ha!). I always loved our weekly art class in elementary and middle school, so much so that I chose to take a few years of art in high school as electives. All throughout growing up, I was usually cultivating some sort of project, whether a school project or one of my own making – like the time I bought a book on how to draw flowers and practiced all summer, or the scrapbook I made of important people and newspaper clippings as a 4th grader. [interesting to look back on these and read them!] Part of the appeal of my undergraduate elementary education degree was the opportunity to put creativity into practice with teaching children how to learn. Not to mention how many fun projects I got to work on (like preparing a unit on how to teach 4th graders about the rainforest) while my fellow college students labored in their organic chem labs and philosophy term papers.

But then I graduated from college, worked as a teacher, and lost some creativity amidst the work that it was to teach and to pay bills and to manage relationships. And then I went to seminary for a counseling degree, and creativity was further suppressed by deep thoughts on theology and the brokenness of our world and relationships. But it shouldn’t have been. Because this is exactly where creativity is most needed: at the intersection of God’s beauty and the world’s brokenness. How else do we bridge that gap without some redemptive creativity? How else can we image our Creator, who made light out of darkness and brought order and beauty from chaos?  I certainly had glimpses of this, through a few professors who creatively taught instead of rotely lectured; and in my “counseling children” course where we learned creative methods (even play) as a way to unlock a child’s emotions and thought life.

Personally though, I seemed to put creativity on the back burner once I became a mom to twins. Survival was the name of each hour of each day for the first six months especially, and probably up until the past six months (they are three years old now). I just didn’t have time. And then the MESS of getting my kids involved in creative pursuits? No, thank you. I was already sweeping up daily and spending more time than I wanted to in household chores. Add cleaning up paint or glitter or glue to this? I don’t think so.

Enter these words I read today:

‘I’m not the creative type ‘ doesn’t work. There’s no such thing as creative people and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t. Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear.

There will be more on this topic. Let’s call today “part 1 of Heather’s rediscovery of creativity.” Part 2 to follow. After I go do something creative … any suggestions? What do you enjoy as a creative pursuit?