Author: Heather Davis Nelson

thankful Thursdays

/ Heather Davis Nelson / Leave a comment

It’s easy to be thankful when it’s gloriously sunny, all seems as it should be, and your heart is happy. What about a day (like today) when it’s a bit more on the rainy/gloomy end of things? Much is as I’d want it to be … but not the two-year-olds who wake up crying because one bit the other (and it’s 30 minutes earlier than usual rise-and-shine time); nor my heart in its stubborn anger at having “my” plan for my morning interrupted. The result? A heart that feels a bit sluggish and less-than-happy about the day.

I think it’s days just like today that I need to be thankful even more so than others. It takes faith. Faith in a God who continues to be good even if I don’t *feel* it. Faith that there is beauty hidden in (or emerging from) my frustrations. So in faith, I take up my thankful Thursdays practice tonight. (Better late than never.)

{I’m thankful for} learning that what’s central to the gospel is union with Christ (thank you, Seth, for his great training on Romans yesterday for all of us women’s Bible study leaders). This means that I am more than only right with God (as important as justification is), but that I am beautified in Christ.

{I’m thankful for} a quiet evening after days and nights that have felt too full this week.

{I’m thankful for} my daughters who have caught on so well to potty training this time. What a relief to be able to consistently celebrate their success! Not perfect, but nearly.

{I’m thankful for} my first ever Cheerwine float from CookOut. Oh. So. Good.

{I’m thankful for} a beautiful movie watched with Seth this weekend, Silver Linings Playbook.

{I’m thankful for} my friend Belinda who is encouraging me to keep writing and blogging.

{I’m thankful for} Friday tomorrow!

Want to join up with me for “Thankful Thursdays”? If so, grab this button:  leave your blog address in the comments below, and link back to this post. I’m thankful for “Loved and Lovely” for such beautiful artwork that I’m using. No rules on this as far as how many “thank you’s” or that it needs to be profound and deep. Let’s practice together opening our eyes to the grace that we’re showered with daily.

a mom’s life

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I wrote this poem a few months ago, but I could have penned it yesterday. (Or today.) There is always that pull as a mom between the lives we are nurturing and our own life. Thankfully we have a God who nurtures us and them and gives grace for the days when the Legos and unfinished tasks seem to be taking over any quiet or peace.

My life
scattered in a million
Lego pieces and a necklace
draping over the handle of
the coffee table drawer
books, blocks, a pink dollhouse

and the stacks of plates
from lunch await me around the corner
hidden now from view

but I know they are there
just waiting.

These moments feel
stolen and precious and few
those of the naptimes
that never seem long enough
for all of the cleaning up
and creative tasks and keeping up
that is the other part of my life –
the part I can’t do when
they, my two little lives, are awake.

On vulnerability, leadership, and courage

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 6 Comments

I am a big fan of Brene Brown. She is known as a shame-researcher whose TED talk on vulnerability went viral and pushed her into fame. What she says connects with us as humans who are all hiding yet want to be known. We’ve been doing that since the beginning of it all. See the first act of this tragedy starring Adam and Eve in Genesis 3.

I listened to an interview with her this past weekend, and one sentence has haunted me. In that really good way, of sticking in your mind and being a place you want to return to over and over and over. An idea that you want to incorporate into you, and who you are, and how you live. She said,

Leadership without vulnerability breeds disengagement. 

All of us can think of leaders who engaged us through their own vulnerability, and those who alienated many through their lack thereof. What kind of leader are you? And don’t say, “well, I’m not a leader.” Because you are. Are you a parent? An older sibling? A cousin? A friend? Someone looks up to you, whether you realize it or not. How are you leading? With courage and vulnerability? Or through hiding, trying to cover up and appear as strong?

Here is one working definition of courage, according to Brene Brown:

This is the impetus behind my blogging, my speaking, and my writing. Oh, that it would also be the way that I parent, befriend, mentor, shepherd, and counsel! Let’s do this together. For we the Redeemed have the greatest reason for courage, in the love of God the Father who’s made us forever beautiful in Jesus Christ. Our brokenness is exchanged for his beauty. We are free to be courageous, and to lead through our vulnerability.

If you’re also a fan, what’s one of your favorite Brene quotes? I’d love to hear it.

 

 

a prayer for potty training

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 14 Comments

There is advice aplenty about potty training, but very little written about the spiritual challenges of potty training. Yes, you heard me right. The spiritual challenges of potty training. Anything that opens our hearts wide up to see the frustrations hidden beneath; the expectations for life to act according to our plans; the desire demand to be in control – well, this becomes ripe fodder for growth. Or repentance. Or sanctification. Or all of the above.

Maybe you approached potty training much differently from me (and I am sure some of you are out there!), but for me it’s been an exercise in surrender. Surrendering my expectations and realizing the limits of my control over my daughters. I cannot control when (or if) they will use the toilet. I can nudge them in the right direction; provide incentives to make it more attractive for the desired behavior; set up an environment that is conducive in pottying. Yet if she decides she isn’t ready – or if her physical development isn’t there yet – it just won’t happen.

There are spiritual analogies here as well. As I seek to nurture my daughters’ faith, it’s much the same way. I can nudge them in the right direction (towards faith and wisdom and away from unbelief and foolishness); provide incentives to make it more attractive for them to walk in the path of life; set up an environment that is conducive for faith. But at the end of the day, it is up to God and her whether she will take hold of this Life or not. And when. I can’t force her into a prayer of belief or into steps of faith that may be beyond her spiritual development.

How do I fill this gap between where I want my child to be (re: pottying and spiritual development) and where she is? Deal with my own heart, and P.R.A.Y.

So with this round of potty training, I was clued in a bit more to potential frustrations and disappointments and challenges, and I penned the following as we set out to “launch” potty training a few days ago. I humbly offer it to you if you, like me, need it.

Father, I ask that you’d give us discernment to know/evaluate whether L. and A. are ready, and to lovingly encourage them to do what we think they’re ready to do. If one of them isn’t, give us wisdom and restraint to back off if needed. Give us perseverance and endurance because even if it goes really well, it’s a process. Help me to expect the best but not force them into my will. Help me to know how to gently nudge them and when to step away to foster their independence.

Restrain my anger and frustration. Give me the long view, both for potty training and even more so for how You’re using this process to expose my own heart and make me more aware of my own need for grace. Give me wisdom to walk away and regroup when it’s overwhelming.

Above all else, let everything I do be done in love — in Christ’s love that dwells in me. Love that is patient, kind, not boastful or rude, doesn’t insist on its own way, isn’t irritable or resentful, bears all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13) I don’t have love on my own nor can I muster it up. I come to You needy of it, and confident that You delight to make your people loving.

When sin is revealed in my own heart, let me quickly repent and ask for forgiveness — not cover it up/try to hide it/make excuses. When the waywardness of my daughters’ hearts is revealed, let me be quick to show them the grace You shower upon me as well as any correction appropriate for the situation.

I do ask for minimal messes, but even more than that, I ask for longsuffering and the attitude of Christ when they happen. He who made himself nothing … taking the very nature of a servant … (Philippians 2). Do guard and protect us from causing any hurt in what could be trying days. And give us joy, laughter, and fun! Bond us closer to you and one another through this process.

In Jesus’ Name,
Amen

Five Friday Links

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We are in day two of potty training boot camp, take two. It’s gone much better than round one so far – both girls have had successes; much fewer accidents than round one in January. More about all that in a future post. For now, my favorite links this Friday –

1. 10 things not to do when potty training by Organic Mom. Love this! Trying to remember each of these this round.

2. For my newlywed friends out there (I know you’re reading this, Shannon 🙂 and those not-so-newlywed – a beautiful devotional on “The Power of a Promise”

3. By Kat on Inspired to Action as a good reminder of identity: I may not be the est but I am the only

4. On (in)courage by Emily Freeman on women’s fear of invisibility – Please don’t let me disappear

5. Looking to cook healthy and in season but without all the planning? Check out The Fresh 20 whose tagline is compelling, “20 ingredients, 5 healthy meals.” I haven’t tried it yet but I want to.

Enjoy … and savor your weekend. May it be a time of rest, refreshment, or at least a break from your weekday routine.

Thankful Thursdays: Independence Day edition

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On this day of celebrating and commemorating our independence as a nation, there is much for which to be thankful.

{I am thankful for} our freedom purchased with the lives of all who have fought for us and continue to fight to maintain and guard the freedom we hold so dear.

{I am thankful for} a nation where peaceful elections are the norm.

{I am thankful for} a country whose freedom allows for a diversity of views, opinions, perspectives, and political parties. Even those I don’t agree with. It’s evidence that we are in a truly free nation.

{I am thankful for} freedom to worship God openly without fear of arrest.

{I am thankful for} a small neighborhood parade to celebrate our red, white, and blue this morning.

{I am thankful for} the right of every American to vote regardless of gender or race.

{I am thankful for} a fireworks display tonight to celebrate our country’s birth, and a friend with whom to enjoy it. (Since my husband doesn’t like them so much … see this post.)

{I am thankful for} the hundreds of rights and freedoms I take for granted and don’t notice because they’re there. In their absence, there have been (and are) wars and political unrest and persecution.

{I am thankful for} living in a country whose wealth compels us to give and serve the nations and whose freedom allows us to pursue such international endeavors.

{I am thankful for} the imperfections of this nation that remind me of the true Home I await.

Hebrews 11:16 speaks of this Home –

But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

 

 

 

 

 

Want to join up with me for “Thankful Thursdays”? If so, grab this button:  leave your blog address in the comments below, and link back to this post. I’m thankful for “Loved and Lovely” for such beautiful artwork that I’m using. No rules on this as far as how many “thank you’s” or that it needs to be profound and deep. Let’s practice together opening our eyes to the grace that we’re showered with daily.

Old Navy, Romans, and Potty Training

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What do all of these have in common, you ask? Quite simply it’s the fact that all were topics of our dinner conversation since I found a *steal* at Old Navy today in some great summer shorts; Seth’s working on preparing the Romans training for women’s Bible study leaders next week; and we commence potty training, round 2, tomorrow.

Here’s another way they all tie together. The shorts I bought were a “pre-treat” for a mom who quite honestly is dreading potty training 33-month-old twins. My husband and I discussed all the various options of potty training to come up with the plan that we are willing to try tomorrow. And these verses in Romans 5:3-5 is going to get us through the next few days! Thanks to my friend Suzanne who reminded me of this gem today as we were discussing many of the typical trials of raising babies and toddlers.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

We may all be suffering together, but the hope is that the short-term “suffering” of potty training twins will yield (eventually) to the independence these girls will need to carry them through preschool and really the rest of their lives. It’s one of the most important skills that we all take for granted that someone had to teach us at some point. Let’s all take a moment to thank our moms or dads or grandparents or nannies or daycare workers right now for helping us gain our freedom. [It’s no coincidence that we’re initiating round 2 on “Independence Day” – insert laughter here.]

And here’s the other thing. God cares about Old Navy, Romans, and potty training, because I’m his girl. His daughter. The God who cares about each sparrow who falls and numbers each hair of my head likewise is connected with me about the highs, lows, and conundrums of my day. Nothing’s too small (shorts from Old Navy); nothing’s irrelevant (potty training); and nothing’s too complex (Romans). That’s a God to celebrate – that we are free in Christ to call him Father … what a gift!

Returning to the gym

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There is something about walking into a room like this that has struck fear into my heart since those horrible mandatory middle school physical education classes:

You will, of course, find it quite ironic that I married a personal trainer who practically lived in the gym during high school. Now he’s a pastor, and no longer wakes at dawn’s first light (or before) to train personal clients in their homes. He actually helped convince me to join a gym for the first time in my life (not counting the step aerobics classes I did in high school at my parents’ gym). But I’ll have to admit that the gym is never I place I relish or look forward to in the same way he does. 

When I went on bed rest while pregnant with twins, my gym attendance ended. And to be honest, I then let my membership expire with hardly a second thought. Until last week when I found out about a brand-new gym in our neighborhood with excellent childcare included (AND a monthly “parents’ night out” service on a Friday evening). And so I joined today. Do the math – yes, since I have almost-THREE-year-old twins, that means that I haven’t been to a gym in three years. There are many reasons besides my aversion to gyms. Like not getting sleep for the first 6 months of the girls’ lives; having to go to physical therapy to recover from the toll pregnancy took on my body; preferring outdoor exercise to indoor stale-gym-air any day; and of course that classic excuse, “not enough time.”

Today felt different. Better. It’s a less corporate feel and a more community feel kind of gym. I ran into a friend in passing. My girls LOVE the kids’ play area. And I loved dropping them off and getting 30 minutes to myself. I was even willing to use that time to exercise. (One of my favorite mom posts of all time is Glennon Melton’s on Momastery about how she’d use the two hours of free childcare at her gym.)

It did remind me of an older post from 2007, about my corporate gym experience and comparing it to church – “Gym and the Church.” And I’m including that below. All for free to my readers. Enjoy.

I have a gym membership that I had not used for at least 4.5 months until last Wednesday. I intended to. I really did. But I also go to one of those corporate “image-oriented” type gyms. Great for its breadth of equipment and quality of fitness classes offered, but amazingly intimidating for someone who hated the mandatory phys. ed. classes in middle and high school. I just have never really enjoyed physical fitness. It’s not been an area I ever excelled at, and so at some point I decided to stop trying. I’d rather read a book, write a poem, drink coffee, even go to the dentist. Really. And every time I enter my high-tech super-glossy gym, I feel like I’m in middle school P.E. again. Where everyone is staring at me, picking my physique apart (do any of us have a body we 100% accept?), or at least looking down at me because I haven’t invested a small life fortune in getting “cool” athletic gear.

I overcame my fear and walked in, silencing the imaginary voices sneering at me or the voice in my head condemning me for not being there for so long. And it felt good, once I bee-lined it to my Elliptical machine, sweated for the 25’ish minutes, and arrived safely back in my car. One of the reasons I had not been to the gym in so long is that I felt like I was out of shape. (how ironic, I know) So after walking for a few weeks, I felt more up to facing THE GYM.

It made me wonder if that’s what church is like for some people. Especially corporate, well-organized, high-image-conscious churches where everyone seems to have it together. People feel as if they must first “get it together” spiritually before coming to church. How ironic, isn’t it?

But is it? Do we who represent the Church universal help portray this image? Especially people like me who have been attending church since I was born. And so I know all the right answers, the right lingo, the right uniform. But I don’t naturally think about the person contemplating church who might have been abused by a church leader as a child and now hates anything God-related. Or the person whose “Christian” parents gave rules and law without grace. I think they would be even more reluctant to enter a church than I was to enter the gym.

What are we doing to welcome in strangers? To help present to them the Christ who says “Come, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” [not “Come and I will give you more things to do and rules to follow”]. To alleviate well-placed fears and insecurities about what to say, what to wear, and whether they want to have anything to do with Christians after a bad experience.

I don’t know, but I’m wrestling with it as part of a new church plant seeking to welcome in the stranger, the neighbor, the unbeliever, the nominal Christian. Grace must permeate everything we do. The way we greet them at the door, have a genuine conversation with them afterwards, and seek to follow up through building a relationship. They need to see it in the way WE interact with one another. No back-biting, gossip, chronic complaining, fake pleasantries. You can tell if love is genuine and real.

And isn’t that what Jesus said? “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35)

what I’m looking forward to in July

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 1 Comment

I cannot believe that it’s the first of July already. There is some bittersweetness because my birthday month is over (that’s a shout-out to my friend, Lev, who has encouraged me in his practice of celebrating birthdays all month long), and with it the way June initiates summer and holds the longest day of sunlight. July means H.O.T. humidity. But there are also things to look forward to in July. Here goes – 

1. Fireworks! I love them. I don’t know when it started but somewhere along the way I got over my intense fear of them and actually began to love them. When I say intense fear, I’m not exaggerating. My brother and I were so terrified of the sound and the thought that some stray spark might fall on us that we made my parents bring umbrellas to one neighborhood fireworks display. And my sweet parents did, and they opened them for us as we huddled beneath them. Wow – true love. Another early childhood memory is my grandma taking me into a bathroom until they were over because I was screaming in fear. So maybe I’m trying to make up for all of that lost time, so that’s the one thing I hate to miss on the 4th of July. I’ve dragged my less-than-enthusiastic husband to them every year of our marriage (except for the years when he won out and then I was disappointed and sulky). This year my plan is to meet up with friends after the girls go to the bed, leaving hubby behind for some quality time with his daughters. (He’s only too glad to volunteer.)

2. Freedom from diapers – I hope. We are going to try potting training boot camp [again] starting on Independence Day. We will have three days in a row of both parents on deck; it will be warmer than our last attempt (January 1st); and I think that the traumatic memories of that first attempt may finally be behind all of us. Here’s to hoping!

3. A fallow month – meaning that we aren’t anticipating any major social or work commitments/meetings/etc, and this will allow our busy pastor + counselor family schedule some time to breathe. I am looking forward to time to be spontaneous, to just be together as a family, to be alone, to wrap up home projects that have needed some attention to bring them to completion.

4. Beach days – because of the unscheduled nature of this month, we want to try to take advantage of living so close to the ocean and enjoy the wind, waves, and sand between our toes. (and in our hair, bathing suits, arms, legs, eyes/etc etc) We may even combine this one with #2 and do potty training beach-style. Leave those diapers at home and bring a portable potty with us. What better place for everyone to enjoy potty training than the beach? Just stay clear of our beach spot if you find us – consider yourself duly warned. 

11 things I learned in June

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments

I am linking up with one of my favorite bloggers, Emily Freeman, over at Chatting at the sky, for this post. She also happens to be a friend of my BFF, Katherine, which I think makes me famous-by-association. She’s an inspiration for me through her grace-infused and humorous insights on her blog, and she’s also a published author. I am loving her book Grace for the Good Girl. More on that in a future post, I’m sure.

So, in no particular order, and with various degrees of importance to daily life, here are my “things I learned in June”:

1. Caffeine lowers the risk of dementia and other health issues. (Hooray!)

2. Related to #1, I can become addicted to caffeine after just three mornings in a row of 1-2 cups of coffee. (Meaning that if I don’t drink coffee in the morning on the 4th day, I’ll have a splitting headache all afternoon. Yikes!)

3. That plants (including our fruits and vegetables) have a circadian rhythm which they lose when stored in bright fluorescent supermarket lights. This rhythm helps them to fend off insects and might also give them more nutritional value. So make sure you turn off your refrigerator lights at night … ?!

4. Siri (the voice command on the iPhone) has an attitude! If she’s not helping me and I ask her to cancel what she was doing, she responds, “Forget it then,” with a very churlish tone. As if I need one more person with an attitude as a mom of toddler twins …

5. The concept of “spontaneous trait transference” means that “people unintentionally transfer to me the traits I attribute to other people.” Gretchen Rubin in The Happiness Project cites this research as extra incentive not to gossip about others, since what you’re telling someone about another person is what they may implicitly attribute to you. I.e., if I always complain about store clerks being so rude, my friends will associate me with the quality of being rude. Not sure how that works … but certainly another reason to follow God’s instruction not to gossip.

6. Four and five-year-olds are (generally) compliant as a rule; non-compliant as an exception. This is opposite of 2-year-olds, who are non-compliant as a rule and compliant only as an exception. This was my observation after helping with a 4- and 5-year-old class at our church’s Camp Jr.

7. Given the opportunity, Lucia will choose to dress like a princess when going to bed.

8. Volume buttons function as the camera shutter in iPhone 4 and above. (Thanks, Meghan, for enlightening us – a good friend and my favorite Apple employee.)

9. Adding cold water to an ice bucket cools a bottle of white wine faster. (Thanks, Leisa, for that advice.)

10. Feedly is way better than Google Reader, and I have happily transferred all my blog subscriptions over. Do so ASAP if you haven’t yet. It’s wonderful!

11. Although I enjoy building IKEA furniture, a 60+ step project started at 8:30pm will leave me bitter, exhausted, and frustrated when I’m still working on it at 11:30pm.

11. Blogging daily is overall a good mental challenge for me and helps me to capture life moments and process them. In this stage of being home with little ones, I feel like this is the one time of a day when I get to connect with others over various topics from deep to funny and everywhere in between. I may decrease in July, but I’ve enjoyed the sense of connection with you readers and the way it’s helpful for me to put my life into words.