words

Hello again!

/ Heather Davis Nelson / Leave a comment

It’s been a minute since I’ve written in this space. (Since January of last year, to be precise.) I have been encouraged in a handful of conversations over the past few weeks about writing. So I’m going to dive in yet again.

I love to write. I’ve always loved words. Their power to capture my imagination as I was whisked away to fictional worlds like Green Gables and Narnia as a child. The way finding the words for experiences and emotions swirling within me helped me to process them. Isn’t trauma often marked by the loss of words? We hit a wall where even words can’t seem to find us and show us a way out.

I’ve been there before, but that’s not the reason for my absence in this season. I’ve been engaged in a new writing project that I’m thrilled to be able to announce, as it will be released in early October. It’s a book about something I need – and that you need – and that, in fact, we were created to enjoy.

R E S T

Wherever you are, take a moment and notice how the idea of “rest” makes you feel.

Wistful? (What you wish had more time for in your busy schedule)

Nostalgic? (You fondly remember a season in the past when you had time for such a “luxury” – maybe before kids, or before entering adulthood, or before you began the climb on the corporate ladder)

Guilty? (I know I should be resting more, but I just can’t figure out how to make this happen.)

Peaceful? (Yes! Rest helps me savor life; remember what’s good and beautiful.)

There is no wrong answer, by the way. As I write these words, I can identify with all of them. I do wish I’d make more time in my life for regular rest and that I’d live out of the grace of resting (wistful). I remember life before kids, when I did have more semblance of control over my schedule and could more easily “step away” from responsibilities (nostalgic). And oh my goodness, on the eve of completing this book about rest, I can feel so guilty for not practicing what I write (guilty). But what I’ll choose to land on is this sense of well-being that comes as I take a few moments to stop and notice the still-bright-summer-evening, to savor today’s pace that was a break in this busy week (peaceful).

It’s the absence of rest in my life that drew me to engage in writing about rest. But more about that later. Without further ado, I present to you my next book: Rest: Creating Space for Soul Refreshment. It’s part of a 31-Day Devotional Series published by P&R, with series editor Deepak Reju. Stay tuned for more details … and for now … take a moment to R E S T.

wisdom starts with listening

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 2 Comments

I am preparing for a retreat I’ll be speaking at in a few weeks on the topic of wisdom (a slight modification from the one I did in September 2013 at WRPC), and I am struck again with how important listening is. I’ve been looking at the verse in James 1:19 which says –

“Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger …”

Whew. There’s the trifecta of what I’m not good at. I am slow to hear, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. Just come be a fly on the wall any morning in my kitchen to see my folly on full display. It happens with regularity. One of the twins begins demanding something (they take turns with this, I swear); I get frustrated because I’m already busy trying to do something else they were asking/demanding the minute prior; and I don’t hear them or pay attention. I am quick to spout off with how frustrated I feel; and then it becomes full-blown anger before too long. Refrigerator doors are slammed, their food is slapped onto their plates with vehemence, and I become the martyr-mother-with-a-cause. Not only am I far from a picture of serving with love, but I am empty of self-control and wisdom. My reaction causes theirs to intensify. And so we sit down to eat breakfast as three very foolish women, one who’s old enough to know and act differently.

How do I get wisdom in that scenario? What is my hope? It starts with listening. Being quick to hear God’s voice of love and the truth of His presence and acquired wisdom given to me down from the ages. I need to learn to be quick to hear his compassion for me, the tired-in-the-mornings mom who needs her coffee and doesn’t wake up quickly. He is speaking to me through the “wisdom of the ages,” which often sounds like this:

  • Stay calm, and they may not become calm immediately, but at least you won’t escalate things.
  • You can only be in control of you; don’t try to be in control of them. Realize what you can control, and provide consequences calmly. Such as sending the tantrum-ing three-year-old to her room until she can calm down.
  • Catering to their demands will only increase their whines; so will blowing up in frustrated anger in the face of all their complaints.
  • Look at your own heart – you’re just as whiny and demanding of those around you and God, but you’re just better at masking it.
  • Continue to serve with love, confident that God sees the faith it takes to continue to do so when bombarded with two demanding preschoolers.

Once I silence my own angry demands in order to tune in to the wisdom of the Spirit speaking to my heart, then I am able to move on to speaking what needs to be spoken, and slowing down my anger. It really is a self-perpetuating cycle. Start with being quick to anger, the words will spill out too quickly for anyone’s good, and there will be no listening. But reverse this and begin with listening. Then you’ll be calm enough to speak and you keep anger in its place. The question really is who I am listening to – if it’s my selfishness, then I’ll be quick to speak and get angry; if it’s my Creator, I can afford to be slow in speech and allow his words to mollify my angry heart before it spews onto another.