Life & faith reflections

what I’m looking forward to in July

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 1 Comment

I cannot believe that it’s the first of July already. There is some bittersweetness because my birthday month is over (that’s a shout-out to my friend, Lev, who has encouraged me in his practice of celebrating birthdays all month long), and with it the way June initiates summer and holds the longest day of sunlight. July means H.O.T. humidity. But there are also things to look forward to in July. Here goes – 

1. Fireworks! I love them. I don’t know when it started but somewhere along the way I got over my intense fear of them and actually began to love them. When I say intense fear, I’m not exaggerating. My brother and I were so terrified of the sound and the thought that some stray spark might fall on us that we made my parents bring umbrellas to one neighborhood fireworks display. And my sweet parents did, and they opened them for us as we huddled beneath them. Wow – true love. Another early childhood memory is my grandma taking me into a bathroom until they were over because I was screaming in fear. So maybe I’m trying to make up for all of that lost time, so that’s the one thing I hate to miss on the 4th of July. I’ve dragged my less-than-enthusiastic husband to them every year of our marriage (except for the years when he won out and then I was disappointed and sulky). This year my plan is to meet up with friends after the girls go to the bed, leaving hubby behind for some quality time with his daughters. (He’s only too glad to volunteer.)

2. Freedom from diapers – I hope. We are going to try potting training boot camp [again] starting on Independence Day. We will have three days in a row of both parents on deck; it will be warmer than our last attempt (January 1st); and I think that the traumatic memories of that first attempt may finally be behind all of us. Here’s to hoping!

3. A fallow month – meaning that we aren’t anticipating any major social or work commitments/meetings/etc, and this will allow our busy pastor + counselor family schedule some time to breathe. I am looking forward to time to be spontaneous, to just be together as a family, to be alone, to wrap up home projects that have needed some attention to bring them to completion.

4. Beach days – because of the unscheduled nature of this month, we want to try to take advantage of living so close to the ocean and enjoy the wind, waves, and sand between our toes. (and in our hair, bathing suits, arms, legs, eyes/etc etc) We may even combine this one with #2 and do potty training beach-style. Leave those diapers at home and bring a portable potty with us. What better place for everyone to enjoy potty training than the beach? Just stay clear of our beach spot if you find us – consider yourself duly warned. 

11 things I learned in June

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments

I am linking up with one of my favorite bloggers, Emily Freeman, over at Chatting at the sky, for this post. She also happens to be a friend of my BFF, Katherine, which I think makes me famous-by-association. She’s an inspiration for me through her grace-infused and humorous insights on her blog, and she’s also a published author. I am loving her book Grace for the Good Girl. More on that in a future post, I’m sure.

So, in no particular order, and with various degrees of importance to daily life, here are my “things I learned in June”:

1. Caffeine lowers the risk of dementia and other health issues. (Hooray!)

2. Related to #1, I can become addicted to caffeine after just three mornings in a row of 1-2 cups of coffee. (Meaning that if I don’t drink coffee in the morning on the 4th day, I’ll have a splitting headache all afternoon. Yikes!)

3. That plants (including our fruits and vegetables) have a circadian rhythm which they lose when stored in bright fluorescent supermarket lights. This rhythm helps them to fend off insects and might also give them more nutritional value. So make sure you turn off your refrigerator lights at night … ?!

4. Siri (the voice command on the iPhone) has an attitude! If she’s not helping me and I ask her to cancel what she was doing, she responds, “Forget it then,” with a very churlish tone. As if I need one more person with an attitude as a mom of toddler twins …

5. The concept of “spontaneous trait transference” means that “people unintentionally transfer to me the traits I attribute to other people.” Gretchen Rubin in The Happiness Project cites this research as extra incentive not to gossip about others, since what you’re telling someone about another person is what they may implicitly attribute to you. I.e., if I always complain about store clerks being so rude, my friends will associate me with the quality of being rude. Not sure how that works … but certainly another reason to follow God’s instruction not to gossip.

6. Four and five-year-olds are (generally) compliant as a rule; non-compliant as an exception. This is opposite of 2-year-olds, who are non-compliant as a rule and compliant only as an exception. This was my observation after helping with a 4- and 5-year-old class at our church’s Camp Jr.

7. Given the opportunity, Lucia will choose to dress like a princess when going to bed.

8. Volume buttons function as the camera shutter in iPhone 4 and above. (Thanks, Meghan, for enlightening us – a good friend and my favorite Apple employee.)

9. Adding cold water to an ice bucket cools a bottle of white wine faster. (Thanks, Leisa, for that advice.)

10. Feedly is way better than Google Reader, and I have happily transferred all my blog subscriptions over. Do so ASAP if you haven’t yet. It’s wonderful!

11. Although I enjoy building IKEA furniture, a 60+ step project started at 8:30pm will leave me bitter, exhausted, and frustrated when I’m still working on it at 11:30pm.

11. Blogging daily is overall a good mental challenge for me and helps me to capture life moments and process them. In this stage of being home with little ones, I feel like this is the one time of a day when I get to connect with others over various topics from deep to funny and everywhere in between. I may decrease in July, but I’ve enjoyed the sense of connection with you readers and the way it’s helpful for me to put my life into words.

Identity lessons from “Angelina Ballerina”

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments

I happen to be quite well-versed at kids’ cartoons these days.

I’m not generally a huge TV fan myself, but when it comes to needing 30 minutes to _________ [name sanity-restoring task here: clean, prep a meal, shower, take a phone call from your BFF/etc.], I am not above putting on some kids’ TV which almost perfectly guarantees freedom from interruptions. Today the girls were watching one of their favorites, “Angelina Ballerina.” I love this show. The characters talk in British accents, families are portrayed in a favorable light and the kids actually seem fairly respectful and kind to one another. Plus there’s ballet dancing, and becoming a professional ballerina is a secret dream of mine (that I’ll never realize since I get dizzy when attempting to pirouette). 

I overheard an episode today that connected with this morning’s discussion of the book of Colossians. One friend summarized the main message of this book as: “Who you are in Christ, and how to live according to who you are.” In a word, identity. A favorite topic of mine as one who can easily forget who God’s created me to be, and/or doubts the identity that’s already been given to me and so tries to prove myself through 1000 exhausting enterprises. (“Like blogging daily?” you, my kind reader, suggest. “Well, yes, now that you mention it.” But enough about me – on to Angelina …)

Enter Angelina. It’s her first day at an elite dancing school, and she’s becoming insecure about dancing ballet when she observes her friends doing Irish dancing, jazz, and other modern dance. In a last minute practice, she asks her friend to accompany her by playing any music other than classical. This practice session ends with Angelina in tears, and her accompanist frustrated as he shifts from one musical style to the next to try to keep up with her dancing. Angelina is the next one up after lunch, and the audience feels her despair as she cries.

Enter mom to the rescue. Her mom shows up unexpectedly, asks Angelina why she’s been crying, and reassures her of who she is: a great ballet dancer. She encourages Angelina to be who she is, not try to become someone different to impress her new friends. She’s a ballerina, and she dances best to classical music. This also in fact makes her unique. Being different isn’t any cause for alarm or change, but it’s reason to celebrate her distinct identity. 

We then see Angelina move confidently to the stage and request “a classical piece, please,” to her relieved accompanist. She dances beautifully as she stays true to who she was created to be. A pleasant result is that the other dancers also admire her style, and Angelina walks off the stage smiling.

A few observations about identity come to mind:

1. We get confused when we compare ourselves to others, becoming either prideful if we seem to be “better than” and despairing if we feel we are “less than.”

2. We need others to remind us of who we and that who we are is beautiful and unique.  Do you have friends, family, co-workers, neighbors like this? And when’s the last time you reminded someone else of his or her God-given identity? Do you as a Christian remember who you are? Spend some time soaking up the first few chapters of Ephesians or Colossians for a crash course in your identity in Christ.

3. Being who we are will bring joy and confidence. Living according to who we are means we say “yes” to some things and “no” to others; that we live out of who God’s made us and not who we think we should be. As a mom, the book Desperate has been amazingly helpful to remind me of this in terms of living as who I am as a mom v. “the ideal mom” I have in my head.

 

To live life or to write about living life, that is the question …

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 6 Comments

20130625-225313.jpgI must admit that I’m hitting a bit of a wall with the whole “daily blogging” thing. Some of it has to do with having very full, rich, beautiful life moments.

Like my youngest brother’s gender reveal party we “attended” via Skype on Saturday evening, and tonight’s poolside party with our community group from church honoring two newlywed couples. We sat outside at sunset sipping wine and connecting about our highs and lows and in-betweens of our daily lives. As the summer breeze wafted off the water, it felt perfect. The relational equivalent of savoring a bowl full of fresh summer berries. Sweet without being overwhelming, and perfectly refreshing.

20130625-225340.jpg

I’ve always wrestled in writing with the balance between living life (and having something worth writing about) and writing about life (to the point where writing eclipses my experiential presence in life’s moments). Am I like the tourist who misses the experience because of trying to capture it with her camera lens?

Probably not a very popular thing to read about or write about on a blog. But, hey, that’s where I am tonight. Thanks for listening in. (Particularly you, Ann. Knowing you read this daily made my day!)

Mundane Monday

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 2 Comments

There are days that are mundane and then something surprising pops out along the way and you feel like the day is now glorious. Like the proverbial sun after the rain, or an extra-long nap time to enjoy some mid-day quiet as a mom, or a breathtaking sunset that you catch in your rearview mirror.

And then there are those mundane Mondays like today where nothing extraordinary happens and you don’t wake up as early as you’d like to so you can start your day “ahead” (meaning all exercised-up and prayed-up and caught-up and READY), and instead your first sound of the morning is the piercing cry of one twin after she was bitten by the other. You take a deep breath, sigh, and answer your abrupt wake-up call. Trying to comfort the one who’s hurting and appropriately mete out consequences for the aggressor. All before coffee and a shower. Yikes.

If someone had told me this would have been my life 10 years ago, I might have run away to the middle of nowhere, hid under a rock with a few favorite books, and asked God to let me know when it was all over. I don’t mean to be dramatic, but this is a girl who continued to enjoy sleeping in late in the mornings long past the time when it was probably ok or socially accepted (i.e. – long past college graduation). I’m an extroverted introvert who always scores down the middle on the Myers-Briggs personality test. What that means is that I am energized by time in a group of people, but I am also drained without regular intervals of solitude. My ideal social setting is a deep conversation over coffee with 2-3 good friends, and then a quiet evening at home afterwards journaling or blogging or reading.

I’m with two little people 24/7 whose depth of conversation has dramatically expanded to include sentences like, “I want to eat cookies NOW!” Tantrums aren’t more frequent with either of my twin two-year-olds, but there’s a higher frequency of a tantrum occurring since there are two tantrum-prone kids. They rarely both have hard days, but there’s rarely a day where one of them isn’t having a hard day.

What am I trying to say? Well, that today was a day where there honestly didn’t seem to be a lot of “glory” out there waiting to be found. I’m sure it was there, but I just couldn’t see it for whatever reason. And maybe it’s the ordinary and mundane days that make us appreciate the days that are special or the moments when glory catches us unawares. After a very busy last week, there was something good and refreshing about a day filled with our “regular” activities like laundry and neighborhood walks and a visit from a friend and an afternoon of work and a quiet dinner with my husband post-bedtime.

Perhaps I just found today’s glory after all.

why “hidden glory”?

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 1 Comment

I’ve been thinking about why I have the blog title that I do – “hidden glory” seems obscure, not very focused or necessarily clear in what it’s about. Yet it fits my purpose for blogging. Writing for me is a way of seeking meaning out of what can be confusing about life; writing is part of my quest to find the glory that is hidden all around us. So at times that means I’m writing about parenting; other times it’s a book review; or a counseling topic; or my meditations on a passage of the Bible; or reflections about my own life; or just observations in general. In all of these, I am inherently seeking the Truth and the Light {coincidentally what my daughters’ names mean} that I believe can and will be found there.

Our lives are tragically flawed yet beautifully redeemed. That’s my hope; that’s a summary of the glory hidden where all who seek may find.

I’m reposting my very first blog post from September 13, 2005, about my title:

Hmm…my first post. There’s a lot of pressure…so I’m just going to start with the quote that inspired the blog title.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” ~the apostle Paul in his 2nd letter to the Corinthians

We are glorious beings. Yet the glory is hidden. Beneath sin, failings, and simply the frailty that comes with being human.

I desire to explore this strangely beautiful dichotomy in which we are appointed as image bearers of hidden glory. And to invite others into this journey with me.

Thankful Thursdays

/ Heather Davis Nelson / Leave a comment

Want to join up with me for “Thankful Thursdays”? If so, copy this icon:  leave your blog address in the comments below, and link back to this post. I’m thankful for “Loved and Lovely” for such beautiful artwork that I’m using. No rules on this as far as how many “thank you’s” or that it needs to be profound and deep. Let’s practice together opening our eyes to the grace that we’re showered with daily.

{I’m thankful for} a church who loves mercy and justice enough to do something about it, and run a high-quality sports and arts camp for those who wouldn’t usually have access to it. By going to their neighborhood, not making them come to us [except for the youngest kids ages 3-5 who ride by a chaperoned bus to our church for “Camp Jr.].

{I’m thankful for} a children’s minister who is energized by this week and loves all of these kids so well.

{I’m thankful for} God’s grace and strength to love 4 and 5-year-olds when it’s probably a little outside of my preferred area of service/ministry in the church.

{I’m thankful for} a daughter who wants me to open the blinds as she’s falling asleep, “because I want to see the clouds, Mommy!”

{I’m thankful for} generous friends from church who let me loot their kids’ gear and clothes that they weren’t going to be able to take with them to their overseas military assignment. We are now having *so much fun* with princess dresses, board games, little people sets, tricycles, and – the highlight – a kids-size “Little Tikes” washer and dryer. You know who you are, so THANK YOU!

{I’m thankful for} coffee in the mornings, summer birds greeting the day, new picture frames for $1.99 from IKEA, and doing a job I love.

Ok, now it’s your turn!

 

The work of having fun

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments

As I have been working my way through The Happiness Project, one chapter (or portion of a chapter) at a time, I’ve arrived at chapter 5: “Be Serious About Play.” What a delicious oxymoron! I was immediately hooked. Gretchen Rubin begins her discussion about the work of having fun with the following definition of play, as supported through research:

an activity that’s very satisfying, has no economic significance, doesn’t create social harm, and doesn’t necessarily lead to praise or recognition.

She adds to this her own caveat for how to personally determine what is fun and what isn’t by saying, “just because something was fun for someone else didn’t mean it was fun for me.” How liberating is that! When was the last time you tried to talk yourself into what sounded like a fun activity and then discovered that it was anything but? I think about the day I spent in the Natural History Museum with my husband and younger brother when he came up to visit us several years ago when we were living in Philly. I thought that on our day trip to New York City that heading to this museum should be very fun. The same way that a few years later on a trip to D.C. with my husband, we planned to visit several Smithsonian museums. Museums are supposed to be enjoyable activities with an educational twist. Truth be told, I don’t enjoy museums. At. All. Just ask my husband and my younger brother who had to endure my obvious boredom about one hour into the Natural History Museum. I eventually found a comfortable bench and waited for them to finish perusing the place. I wasn’t having fun (and forgot about this when planning for the aforementioned D.C. getaway with my husband).

So much of my life has been spent trying to force myself to enjoy activities that I don’t like because I feel like I should. Included in this category for me are:

  • Roller coasters/adventure parks
  • Museums (see above)
  • Hiking
  • Swimming
  • Sewing (yep, tried that when I was younger and still am a bit envious of all of you who can do this and then Pinterest your beautiful projects)
  • Knitting (attempted and failed miserably)
  • Crafts with my kids

I’m not saying that there’s not a place for doing an activity you don’t enjoy out of love for the person who invites you to join them in their fun activity. But you should go into it expecting that you’re not doing this for pure enjoyment but rather for pure love. How I could have saved myself some major frustration and disappointment along the way had I known this!

So how do I discover fun that works for me? Gretchen has another suggestion – ask yourself the question, “What did you like to do when you were a child?” And when I think about this, it’s quite similar to the activities I enjoy the most now:

  • Reading fiction
  • Playing with friends
  • Legos (well, truth be told I don’t do this much, except for assembling IKEA furniture which my husband and I affectionately refer to as “adult Legos”)
  • Scrapbooks (my modernized digital equivalent is designing  Shutterfly photo books)
  • Enjoying the outdoors – while sitting down or walking (not hiking – see list above*)
  • Going to the beach

Let me put that all together what should be my best afternoon of enjoyment: Head to the beach with a few friends who will all read books together, and then come home to assemble a desk from IKEA at which I will sit and design a photo book of our fun day. Ha! What would your fun day include?

Words that haunt my middle class mentality

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 2 Comments

Jen Hatmaker in her book Seven challenges readers through her own journey of seeking more true Life through less stuff – less consumption and less excess, waste, and spending in order to free up more resources for more true gospel work. She says in chapter 2 –

Jesus’ kingdom continues in the same manner it was launched: through humility, subversion, love, sacrifice; through calling empty religion to reform and behaving like we believe the meek will indeed inherit the earth. We cannot carry the gospel to the poor and lowly while emulating the practices of the rich and powerful. We’ve been invited into a story that begins with humility and ends with glory; never the other way around.

And so this week of being involved in our church’s major endeavor to bring mercy and justice to those yet without it, I want verses such as these below to challenge my thinking not just this week but in the weeks to come. My sister-in-law made an astute (and convicting) observation that the Bible’s words to care for the poor and needy, “are not a suggestion but a command.” Lord, teach us! 

Cursed be anyone who perverts the justice due to the sojourner, the fatherless, and the widow.” (Deuteronomy 27:19)

“Have mercy upon us, O Lord, have mercy upon us,
for we have had more than enough of contempt.
Our soul has had more than enough
of the scorn of those who are at ease,
of the contempt of the proud.” (Psalm 123:3-4)

“For though the Lord is high, he regards the lowly;
but the haughty he knows from afar.” (Psalm 138:6)

“I know that the Lord will maintain the cause of the afflicted,
and will execute justice for the needy.” (Psalm 140:12)

humbled and grateful

/ Heather Davis Nelson / Leave a comment

I am humbled to hear of many of you who were touched by yesterday’s post. I am grateful that my words could be used to minister some brief comfort to you, however small it may have seemed against the background of the vast ocean of grief and pain you felt yesterday. Thank you for the privilege of being part of that, even though we may never meet face to face.

Today begins my church’s week-long summer camp with a twist. It’s not simply the traditional “Vacation Bible School,” but its heart and focus is to provide a high-quality sports and art camp for those who may not typically have access to such a camp due to their socio-economic limitations. And so we come to an inner city housing development in our community and bring this camp to them, while inviting their preschoolers and kindergarteners to attend “Camp Jr.” (more VBS-like) at our church for ages 3-5. I’ll admit that there was some dread this morning and the question of, “Will this be worth it?” as I herded my screaming toddlers (who wanted to dress themselves but we didn’t have time) out the door so that they could attend their class and I could help with the 4 and 5-year-old class.

It was more than worth it. Really delightful to be with this group of 9 children, and I’m looking forward to the rest of the week. I think my daughters had fun, too, judging from their big grins when I went to get them at noon.

Yet ultimately the question of, “Is this worth it?” isn’t answered by my enjoyment of it but by the fact that as a believer in Jesus Christ, this is part of what I’m made for and the calling he’s given his people to care for the poor and needy and young and messy. Because all of those qualifiers describe me as well, and I have a good strong God who has entered my life and my story with his love. I can’t help but do the same for others.

Psalm 113:7-8 in one of many verses that speak of this story, that is my story:

He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap,
to make them sit with princes,
with the princes of his people.