all things pink (and brown)

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 1 Comment

I think that the reason that “nesting” is so much fun when you’re pregnant (whether you’re doing the nesting yourself or just asking others to do the work for you … !) is that the nursery is the most tangible symbol of the baby (or babies) that are on their way. [Besides the pregnant belly, of course, but you can’t really spend time decorating and organizing it …] Once these babies arrive, their nursery will fade into the background because THEY will be here – the ones we’ve been preparing it for. An analogy comes to mind – God our Father’s promise that HE is “preparing a place” for us, His children, in His heavenly kingdom. Our arrival there is more certain than our daughters’ arrival to the nursery we’re decorating. This certainty comes not because I’m good enough or ever will be, but precisely because I’m not good enough and I rest entirely on the goodness of our Savior, Jesus Christ. He is certain, and I can trust Him to bring me safely Home one day.

In the meantime, as I await for God to bring forth these babies on their birth day known only to Him … I’m having fun with watching the nursery come together. Here’s a few pictures:

Mom's gorgeous curtains she made for the nursery!

A close-up of the curtains

the crib (Babi Italia from Babies R Us) & bedding set (rhbabyandchild.com)

Dad & Seth - proud painters of the nursery

These last two pictures are of a diaper clutch a friend made for me and brought over as a gift today – isn’t it adorable?!  Check out the rest of her high-quality and high-fashion bags/etc. at Barefoot Bags. 

living in expectancy

/ Heather Davis Nelson / Leave a comment

You might be getting tired of posts on the topic of waiting and expectancy, and at moments I find myself getting tired of waiting and being pregnant, too. Yet this is my season of life right now. And I want to embrace it for all that it is, knowing that as the Ecclesiastical wisdom goes, a time for waiting and resting will inevitably transition to a time for birth and parenting that we’ve been waiting for – which will be a season of busyness and activity. Knowing that the end [of pregnancy] is near loads each new day with meaning and anticipation. Knowing that the end date is unknown gives a sense of urgency and purpose to each moment (or at least a heightened desire to be purposeful). I often find myself asking the question, “If I go into labor tonight, what will be most important for me to accomplish today?” At the beginning of bed rest, that question was answered rather simply: finish well with those I had been counseling by referring them to other counselors and complete the grading for the distance ed course I had been proctoring (great course, by the way: CCEF’s “Counseling and Physiology” taught by Dr. Mike Emlet). Gradually my priorities shifted to finding a childbirth preparation DVD since Seth & I couldn’t take the class we were hoping for,  packing a hospital bag (umm … yes, this probably should have been my first priority but I think it was part of living in denial the first few weeks), and making sure the preemie-size clothes were washed and ready.

The point of this post isn’t to give a checklist for “preparing for labor and delivery,” as there are MANY out there which are helpful, but rather to draw the analogy to how I want to be living in this same sense of expectancy every day of my life as a Christian. By definition,  being a Christian means that I am one who is a member of God’s family because of the grace of Jesus Christ for me and therefore I belong not to my own kingdom and this physical home, but to God’s Kingdom where I will be at Home only when I am face-to-face with Christ (and “away” from this earthly body – after death or Christ’s return). Two sermons I’ve heard during this season of bed rest have caused me to meditate further on this reality – and to long to live all of my life in expectancy.

The first one was preached by my husband on faithful endurance on July 18th, and a key phrase of the Hebrews passage he preached on stood out to me in particular:

“…you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one.” (Hebrews 10:34)

He preached on the fact that so many times we are so focused on building on our earthly possessions that we forget about this better possession (all the riches of heaven and knowing Christ) that is to come. And we fail to endure faithfully when we suffer on earth because we think that this is all there is – that THIS is life. This is life, to be sure, but it is only a shadow of the Life to come. And that should make me not less engaged in each day, but more engaged. More purposeful, more desirous to live according to priorities that reflect the Life that is to come. Just as our priorities are being rearranged by the two lives that will soon be coming …

The second sermon that also struck me was by our pastor, Rev. Jack Howell, the following Sunday (July 25th) on Hebrews 11. Here are a few verses that stood out:

“These all [Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob] died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. … But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.” (Hebrews 11:13-16)

I am waiting for a Home that is to come. I am living in expectancy of it – so then why am I so frustrated when life doesn’t seem to work out the way I was planning? (i.e. – going on bed rest the same day we moved into our new house) This is not the season to be totally settled and completely at “home.” Similarly to bed rest. If I thought this was how my life would be indefinitely, each day would be much harder (and I do have great compassion for those who are bedridden without an end in sight – my heart goes out to you!). But I know that eventually, these babies will be delivered and I will be “delivered” from bed rest. I am not completely settled with my life right now that mainly consists of sleeping, reading, blogging and emailing, eating, hosting visitors, with frequent bathroom breaks. I want to be out of this recliner and active. Especially on such a beautiful beach-worthy Saturday as today. Yet I digress …

The point is that viewing this particular season as temporary and without knowing when it will end (but being assured that it WILL) gives meaning and purpose and urgency to each day. How much more so if I viewed all of my life as that – temporary, with a definite end yet unknown to me, and true Home ahead of me? How much more purposefully would I live? I hope to keep this lesson from this season of expectancy with me all of my life … thus preparing me better for the Life that is to come.

reflections while waiting

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 10 Comments

Tiny toes and feet. As you kick me, it’s a reminder of the secret weaving together your Creator is engaged in – of you, inside me. What a mysterious miracle! The kicks are as if you are seeking to let me know you’re here. I feel you. I await the moment when I will behold you as your Maker now sees you. The invisible made visible. The imagined becoming reality.

Times two – twice as amazing. It is hard to believe you will have an instant sister from birth and that our family’s size will instantaneously double. It is overwhelming at moments to try to picture what this will mean for us who have for almost four years just been two. What will it be like for us to now be four? How will our lives change? I can’t possibly begin to fathom it. But I cling to the promise of grace that is always equal to the moment and the day. So we will have twice the grace, and we already do.

I am resting now so that you can rest in the place safest for you. I am resting so you can be active. Once you are born, I will be active so that you can rest. You feel at home now, and you cannot imagine a home outside of me. Good! Stay that way for awhile longer yet. But there will come a day when you will be delivered into a larger home that you cannot imagine yet. You will be brought to our home, to a nursery lovingly prepared for you. It will feel strange. It will not feel like home at first. Yet our prayer is that you will find a home in our love, which will ultimately lead you to the One whose love is the best Home in which you can dwell. Enjoy your temporary, mysterious-to-me-yet-within-me dwelling for now. Kick away … and I will await your arrival with an expectant yet patient joy.

Posting today as part of Emily Wierenga’s Imperfect Prose on Thursdays. In Emily’s words, “This is going to be a place where we dig word-deep. where we uncover language lure, and breathe poetry. prose. in the name of faith. . . . Each week, let’s meet and find redemption in the grace of the other. let’s be broken on canvas, on material, on paper, on screen, together . . . for God is there.” Read more Imperfect Prose on Emily’s blog, in the hush of the moon. My friend Julie inspired me to join this.

Tuesday thoughts

/ Heather Davis Nelson / Leave a comment

In my copious amounts of free time while on bed rest, I have been able to begin reading through my stack of books that I bought but never had time to read before now. Yesterday, I picked up from my shelf a relatively new book on marriage from one of my counseling professors, Paul Tripp, entitled “What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage.” I’m a few chapters in, and I’m finding it to be a good reminder of the foundation marriage is meant to be built on: loving one another out of a love for God and a perspective of living in God’s kingdom (not mine). It’s the simple thoughts that can make a big difference. In this morning’s chapter, I was struck by two illustrations about the importance of daily choices to shape the overall course of a marriage: (1) you reap what you sow: “…there will be organic consistency between the seeds of words and actions that you plant in your marriage and the harvest of a certain quality of relationship that you will experience as you live with one another”  and (2) the investment principle: “Every treasure you set your heart on and actively seek will give you some kind of return.” Both beg the question and day-to-day reflection on what sort of “harvest” I am sowing to in my marriage — or what sort of treasure am I investing in? Am I sowing words of kindness and love or of harsh criticism? Am I investing more in the “treasure” of my own kingdom (getting my own way – being demanding) or in God’s kingdom (seeking ways to love and serve and build up my husband)? Here is a good summary of why these are important things to consider DAILY in marriage:

The character of a marriage is not formed in one grand moment. Things in a marriage go bad progressively. Things become sweet and beautiful progressively. The development and deepening of the love in a marriage happens by things that are done daily; this is also true with the sad deterioration of a marriage. The problem is that we simply don’t pay attention, and because of this we allow ourselves to think, desire, say, and do things that we shouldn’t.

More thoughts I’m sure as I continue through this book. And I must say it’s a nice break from all the pregnancy & baby books I’ve been reading — probably a good balance, too, as we must keep in mind that our family is built first on faith in God, then on our love for each other … into which we invite our children to join. Marriage must remain a priority for Seth and me, which I know will be all the more difficult as we double our family size soon! But that’s truly what’s best not just for us, but it will be what’s best for our daughters as well. They will derive security from knowing that Mommy and Daddy love each other – through both good days and bad.

Second set of thoughts – or actually more of a recommendation. My little bro Bryan just started two for-fun blogs called best or worst, where you get to vote on what you think about his daily pick. So I will shamelessly promote them – check it out and cast your vote: Best or Worst Ride and The Best or Worst.

Bed rest update: today marks the fifth week of it. I’m still hanging in there – and the girls seem healthy. I’m now 30 weeks along, and I’m hopeful for more! Really thankful for friends and family who are taking such good care of us during this season.

celebrating in numbers

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments

An odd title for a post, isn’t it? Especially coming from someone who has admittedly never been really fond of mathematics or anything else number-related. Yet I am finding that these days of bed rest, I am paying much closer attention to numbers than before.

For every ONE day further that the babies stay put, that is saving them about SEVEN days in the hospital. So I take each day as a gift, which it always has been, but I am much more aware of that than before.

Yesterday marked ONE MONTH on bed rest. It really has flown by! Restlessness is starting to set in a bit, but I try to focus on just ONE MOMENT at a time. And there’s always grace given for that, whether it comes through a friend’s timely phone call or visit or through prayer, God’s Word, or a cherished line from a book I’m enjoying.

Today “baby A – a.k.a. Anna baby (her nickname)” measured THREE pounds, “baby B – a.k.a. Banana baby (her nickname)” weighed THREE pounds, TWO ounces. Keep growing, girls!!

I have gained THIRTY-SEVEN pounds during pregnancy, which is really good for twins since the mother’s rate of growth is thought to be crucial to the babies’ continued growth. And, yep, I just admitted that. Walking in the light of the truth from my previous post …

And I am now TWENTY-NINE weeks and TWO days along in pregnancy.

Praying for at least FIVE more weeks of growth for these TWO daughters of ours, so that they’re not born until THIRTY-FOUR weeks along.

EIGHT books I’ve completed during this past month of bed rest! And SEVEN blog posts … 🙂

Trusting God When You’re Expecting, part 4: body image

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 3 Comments


I found this picture on a miscellaneous website. I am not one for the bare belly shots myself, but I know each pregnant woman has a different opinion about that. It seems that for some, pregnancy is a time to embrace all the new curves and to feel proud that it shows you’re carrying a life. I suspect that for many others of us, pregnancy is a time when there is more unwanted attention to our bodies than we’re used to or would desire. And it feels like our bodies are really out of our control as well. Although the weight gain is purposeful (and needed!), it’s still hard to feel yourself getting larger by the week – and dramatically so by each month. Double all of that if you’re having twins.

What I find interesting about being pregnant is that the typical “taboos” that apply about commenting on a woman’s body weight seem to fly out the window, particularly for random strangers and (sorry to apply a stereotype) men in general. A few of the comments I’ve heard during pregnancy are:

“Wow … you’re just so … BIG!”

“You’re going to be ENORMOUS by the time these babies come.”

“Well, you’ve really gotten bigger since I last saw you.”

And I could go on, but you get the picture. No woman, even if pregnant, wants to hear someone connect the word “big” or any of its synonyms with her body. As someone who has always been on the thinner side of things (I can take no credit – all genetics – thanks, Mom!), it came as shock to hear these comments and then to notice the way I responded to these comments inside. I would get angry, frustrated, and feel resentful.

I realized that my identity was more wrapped up in my body image than I had previously thought. It was exposed by pregnancy. And as I processed through my thoughts and feelings in response to others’ comments, I realized I was giving them more power than I should. I noticed that my self-concept would rise and fall depending on whether I encountered the store clerk who said, “No way! You don’t look big enough to be carrying twins!” or the one who said, “You look much bigger than 15 weeks along!” Why were their comments so powerful? Because I was defining myself by my body image. I was internalizing the belief that my worth was equal to whether or not someone else perceived me as “big.” This is certainly quite different from where my true identity lies as a woman created in God’s image and redeemed by Christ (I taught on that in January through our Ephesians study, ironically enough).

When I began to meditate on who I really am – what is most true about me – others’ comments began to have much less effect on me. This also freed me from the inward judging and resentment I felt towards others because of what they said. I could laugh it off and let the comments “bounce off me” instead of letting them set the tone for my day.

Now I won’t say that it wasn’t still a struggle to go to Virginia Beach during the height of tourist season as the only pregnant woman for miles … but at least I began struggling against the lies instead of simply accepting them. And, hey, one benefit of bed rest is that there is much less opportunity for strangers’ comments about my ever-expanding belly!

Sunday: reflections on worship when you can’t attend church

/ Heather Davis Nelson / Leave a comment

One of the hardest parts of strict bed rest has to be Sunday mornings, when I can’t go to church but my husband (our assistant pastor) spends half of his day there (8:00 am – 12:30 or 1:00 pm). I don’t think I can remember a time when I couldn’t go to church for such a long stint of time. Yet I am thankful that our God is one who comes to us, so that we can worship him wherever we are and that I don’t miss out on his grace simply because I can’t attend church right now. I miss church – don’t get me wrong – and it is a source of rich grace to be able to go, but God knows (and has arranged) the particular seasons of my life. And so he will also arrange another way for me to experience church on Sundays. So with this unique season comes unique opportunities. I get to be my own “worship director”, and so I try to make Sundays different from the rest of the days.

The church bells around the corner regularly call me to worship when their hymns begin at 9:00 am (lasting until 9:30 am). That’s a nice start to the morning. Then I choose a sermon to listen to online from one of my favorites: our pastor, Jack Howell; Joe Novenson at Lookout Mountain Pres.; Ruffin Alphin at Westminster Pres. Church here in Suffolk; Bob Willetts at Grace Pres. Church here in Chesapeake; or Andy Lewis from the church I grew up in, Mitchell Road Pres. Church in Greenville, SC. It’s been great to listen to these sermons and be taught by God speaking through them. It’s been great to see how God’s led me exactly to the right sermon I’ve needed each week. And really there are too many good ones to choose from, so I’ll probably be adding another one as my “Sunday school.”

I listen to some favorite worship music and sing along [but this part I think I miss the most about not being able to physically be present for worship at Trinity Pres.], trying to focus on the words and make them my prayer.

Another way I am seeking to tangibly engage in worship on Sundays is by spending time reflecting on what I am thankful for and then communicating that to various people who have loved and served us in the past week. Truly the list seems too large to recount, and when I begin reflecting, I am aware of God’s gifts in the church and the way that he is sending the Church to me when I can’t go to church. Seth and I have been so overwhelmed by the many who have helped us. I won’t list them by name, but I do want to list a few of the acts of service I’m thankful for today:

  • the friends who traveled from Philadelphia to spend last weekend with me and totally pampered me all weekend through their cooking, cleaning, creativity, laughter, and conversation
  • friends from church who have brought us meals, visited me for lunch, ran errands for us, went grocery shopping for us, helped Seth paint our home (a seemingly never-ending project), and even cleaned our house … wow. we are overwhelmed!
  • friends and family who continue to call or text to check in with me and see how we’re doing
  • thoughtful and encouraging cards we’ve received in the mail
  • two friends who threw their baby shower for me at our house – bringing everything with them, including serving dishes and utensils [since finding ours amidst the boxes could still be a bit dubious]
  • my parents who have made the 14 hour roundtrip yet again to come and help us get settled in, paint the nursery, etc …
  • and it goes without saying (but I should still say it!), my faithful and persevering husband who is not only assistant pastor, but also now home-repair project manager (a solo position now), chief chef, and home healthcare aide to a needy pregnant woman who can sometimes be cranky as well …

For all of these, and many many more, these verses Paul wrote to the Thessalonians come to mind: “We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Thessalonians 1:2-3)

Remembering Beverlee

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 1 Comment

Yes, this might be another tear-jerking post, so consider yourself warned. But I could not let today go by without remembering Beverlee Kirkland. It was a year ago today that this dear friend and mentor passed away. What a woman of grace she was! She continues to be someone I remember and whose presence in my life I miss. She prayed regularly with me and for me, even while suffering from complications related to diabetes that left her home-bound and often hospitalized during the two years I knew her. A year later when I find myself in a similar place of being confined to home while on bed rest, she continues to be an example to me of faithful, selfless love even in the midst of suffering and physical limitations.

So in honor and memory of Bev, here are a few things she’s left behind as a legacy for me personally (and I would imagine for many more as well):

(1) Self-less love and concern for others while undergoing intense suffering. Whenever I would visit her, whether at home or in the hospital, she always began our conversations by asking me how I was doing. She would follow-up with specific things I had asked her to pray about and was always others-centered.

(2) The importance of putting on your makeup even when you’re sick. Laugh if you may, but this reflected her grace and style. She was a classy woman always, and she’d have her makeup on even when in the hospital. So during my brief stint  in the hospital a few weeks ago, I remembered this and put on my makeup and my pearl earrings as a tribute to Bev.

(3) How a cup of tea leads to rich conversation. Whenever we met at her home, we would first fix a pot of hot British tea. And somehow, that just set the tone for a more thoughtful and rich discussion. She was quite the hospitality queen, and I frequently ask myself, “What would Bev do?” when I’m preparing to have guests over. It’s really the little details that can make a big difference.

(4) The privilege of prayer. In her last months when she was feeling so weak and ill, she still prayed for me and many others. When her eyesight kept her from reading, she could still keep praying – and she did. She showed me what a privilege prayer is, and the real ministry it is to the church. She helped to build our church through her prayers, even when she couldn’t physically be involved.

(5) How Jesus bestows dignity and beauty to suffering. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known, and this is because of the Christ-like beauty that shone through her even more so as she suffered. Christ was her strength, to her last day, and her suffering was made beautiful because of Christ’s radiance shining through her. There’s a picture and an obituary at this site (scroll down).

I know that she is Home with Jesus now, and that gives those of us left behind great comfort and hope. Yet we still miss her. And I hope that one day I will leave a similar legacy. She is now in the company of one of the witnesses urging us on to run with perseverance this race marked out for us by our King, fixing our eyes on Jesus (Hebrews 12:1-3).

Bed rest doesn’t guarantee spiritual rest …

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 1 Comment

Strangely enough, that’s one thing that I’m learning now that I’m at home and on bed rest “for the duration.” We hope it’s several more weeks so that these girls can fully develop, and yet I’ve noticed that there is still the pull away from true soul rest. I could spend each day engaged in lots of activity that would leave my soul more tired instead of more rested. There’s the almost infinite pull of the internet — blogs to read, online shopping, news websites, youtube videos … and none of these are bad in and of themselves, but I could quite easily spend an entire day doing just that. And not to mention wearing out my eyesight, it could be a bit of a soul-depletion rather than rest. Then there’s the endless TV shows and movies to watch. And magazines and newspapers to read. And “preparing for twins” books to read. Not to mention trying to plan the nursery and think through what’s needed for our new home (and then ask others to do what I am limited to do by bed rest).

Ironically, rest is a topic that I’ve read a lot about and longed for in the past few years of busyness. The kind of rest Jesus invites us into when he says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28) The rest spoken of by the Psalmist in Psalm 116:7 – “Return, oh my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.” And so it seems that all the study and teaching on rest now has the opportunity to be fully experienced.

Yet I must still be intentional to rest. To remember that it is more important for me to communicate with my Father in prayer than to promptly answer every phone call and email. To allow my soul rest by soaking in God’s Word daily instead of exclusively devouring entertainment literature. To not have to fill each moment with “noise” but to allow my soul to rest and be restored in these moments of silence and solitude. To take time to reflect and capture the unique lessons of this season in writing instead of wishing the days and hours away.

This is not to say that any of those other activities are bad in & of themselves, but I must remember “everything in its season.” And I don’t want to miss the truly important things Jesus has for me to learn during this season. It’s kind of like boot camp preparation for being a mom to twins. I will certainly wish I had soaked up each moment to rest as I look back on this season (perhaps even wistfully) on the other side of the twins’ birth.

For those of you who have been on bed rest, what helped you to cultivate soul rest?

Trusting God When You’re Expecting, part 3: a new chapter called “bed rest”

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 5 Comments

Twenty-five weeks along, the beginning of the third trimester, a move into the first home Seth and I own and the first home our daughters will know, and then the unexpected: the initiation into the “bed rest” stage of pregnancy. I’m getting a thorough orientation through a three to five stay (total length yet TBD, going on day 3 now) in the ante-partum hall of the maternity ward (a.k.a. a hall of pregnant women trying to stay that way for awhile longer for their babies’ safety).

How to survive hospitalized bed rest? I’m compiling a list:

  1. Entertainment through reading [lots of it and a variety (magazines, books, newspapers)] and movies/DVD/tv shows – but be careful not to become a total tv junkie as being on bed rest certainly predisposes you to becoming a couch potato anyway
  2. Visitors – not too many to be exhausting, not too few to leave you with long stretches of alone time in which you begin inventing ways to pull a stint (and maybe make local headlines?) by becoming an escape artist from the hospital
  3. Music!
  4. A laptop – they have free internet here, but be aware that most of the sites you’ll want to visit (at least here at Norfolk General Hospital) will be blocked – and I’m not talking about the obviously obscene ones, but Facebook, all blogspot.com and wordpress.com and other obvious blog sites of your friends – the places you desperately want to visit to be reminded that there is an outside world, and to feel as if you are somehow connected to it (even virtually)
  5. Frequent stretches – your only hope for exercising any now-latent muscles
  6. Constant pleas to be allowed bathroom privileges (mine were finally reinstated this morning – hallelujah – no more bed pans!)
  7. The expectation that even though you are here to rest, you won’t be allowed to sleep more than 4-5 hours without the interruption of medications/monitoring
  8. Food from the “outside.” Hospital food and airline food are very similar – the only difference being that the former is “free” (included in the price of admission) and the latter is virtually now non-existent unless you’re willing to pay restaurant prices in-flight
  9. Your own hygiene/pampering products – nothing like your favorite scented lotion and putting on make-up to make you feel just a bit like yourself and not so “institutionalized”
  10. Jesus. For real. He is the only Person who will be constantly attentive to you (thus freeing you from the already “natural” self-pitying feelings of pregnancy, which are only amplified by bed rest) and He is the only resting place for your soul (which tends to get quite restless in proportion to the amount of bed rest you’re forced to get, ironically enough).

UPDATE: They actually discharged me the afternoon I wrote this, so I am now resting at home. Much better. Yet still a bit different because it’s a home that we’re still settling into – “we” meaning Seth and my parents and brother Bryan who came up to help. Our internet was finally connected tonight, so I’m sure I will be posting MUCH more frequently now!