When you break Lent (and it breaks you)

Lent.

The period of 40 weekdays that in the Christian Church is devoted to fasting, abstinence, and penitence.

I chose what I thought would be four hard but do-able items for my Lenten fast this year. Call me an overachiever, or more accurately, an over-estimator of my own strength. A month ago I posted about my hopes for Lent. How hard could it really be? And how refreshing and empowering could it be! In taking away many of my heart’s distractions – phone apps, Target, sweets, t.v. – I assumed that God would replace my heart’s misplaced affections with a renewed love for Christ and the people around me.

About three weeks in, I broke Lent. Fully and completely. Not just one day, but I think it was about every day of the week and I broke every single “fast” multiple times. I rationalized why for each of them.

  • Going to Target will help me stick to our family budget on some key grocery items like Kashi cereal and goldfish.
  • “Non-essential” phone app category expanded dramatically. I started Lent with 6 icons on my home screen that I deemed “non-essential.” I’m ending Lent with twice as many.
  • Television is the only way that my husband and I can really share down time together after busy days in the midst of a busy week
  • I really just “need” a quick pick-me-up. Nothing like a bite of chocolate to do that.

My response to breaking Lent? First, my typical pull-yourself-up-by-your-boot-straps approach: “Just try harder, Heather. Get it together. You can do it!” As this failed, I descended to self-blame, punishment, guilt and shame. “This is really not that hard. There are millions of people in the world who LIVE without these things daily, and you can’t just go without for 40 days?? What is wrong with YOU?” That also got me nowhere fast.

And then I realized that maybe this is the real purpose of Lent. To reveal (again) that I cannot fulfill the Law. Any law – of God’s eternally perfect law, other people’s expectations, or my own standards. Maybe Lent is meant to show me how little I can do in my own strength, and therefore how MUCH I need Jesus and His life, death, and resurrection that we celebrate at Easter. Truth echoed in these verses from Romans 3:19-20 –

Now we know that whatever the law says it speaks to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be stopped, and the whole world may be held accountable to God. For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin.

Breaking Lent is one way that the law breaks me. It’s a beautiful breaking, for it leads me to the One who restores and makes new. If I didn’t practice a Lenten fast this year, I would be that much less aware of my helplessness to gain eternal life and a relationship with God on my own strength or efforts. And so, in an upside-down backwards way, breaking Lent has broken me of trying and pointed me in desperate hope to Jesus whose death we remember this week and whose life we celebrate next Sunday. Listen to this hope found in Romans 5:6 and 21 –

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. … so that … grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

As we round the final corner of Lent, walking into Holy Week’s somber reflections, let us remember that we cannot earn Easter on our own merit. Our best trying leaves us hopeless. Let us fall in our weariness and allow Jesus to pick us up and bring us with Him to the cross and then the hope of the empty tomb this week and always.

Sabbath rest for a mother’s heart

If you find yourself in need of rest, true heart rest, these links will help you follow the voice of Jesus as he leads us there (Matthew 11:28-30).

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

A poem by Sarah Dunning Park – http://simplemom.net/poem-book-learning/

“Chatting at the Sky” – When the days are long and the minutes are longer

Christina Fox at “The Gospel Coalition blog” – Motherhood for the rest of us

(in)courage blog  – How gentleness makes our children great

Jen Hatmaker – More grace: on not being mean, hateful, and horrible

 

 

2 Kings 6:1-23 – Finding God in the small and big troubles of life, part 2

Part 2 of the talk I gave for our weekly women’s Bible study this week. (Read part 1 here.)

***

Yet to be honest it often does take a glimpse of God’s greater power to sustain you when life’s major storms hit. Enter part 2 – the enemies of God’s people are thwarted by one man.

Throughout this entire passage, I found it interesting that no other names are mentioned besides Elisha and the Lord. The kings are nameless as are the armies. That very fact highlights where the focus is for this passage. There are also many ironic reversals in this story:

  • The Syrian king has to send his men to find out where Elisha is, but Elisha always knows where the Syrian army will be next. (Dillard’s commentary)
  • When the Syrian king sends his army to surround and capture Elisha, Elisha ends up leading this very army to a place where they are surrounded and captured.
  • And yet when the Syrian army realizes that they are in Israel’s capital and they expect certain death, they are given a banquet feast instead and sent back home.
  • Elisha prays for his servant to see the Lord’s army that surrounds them, yet he prays for the Syrian army to be blinded (and they are).

The central part of this story surrounds the moment when Elisha seems to be on the brink of being captured by the enemy whose raids he has thwarted by God’s power. He is in Dothan, which builds up great suspense as the original audience of the Israelites would have associated this city as the very place where Joseph was captured and sold into Egyptian slavery by his brothers. The Syrian king sends “horses and chariots and a great army,” and there were so many that they surrounded the city. On top of this, they came at night. All for one man who was a threat to the king! Surely this would be the end of God’s prophet, and the enemies of Israel would no longer be held in check. It could mean disaster for the entire kingdom.

But the one person who should be most afraid seems impossibly calm. It’s his servant who tells him about the army surrounding them the next morning. And his reply is, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” His servant must have been baffled, which is why Elisha then prays that his eyes would be opened for him to see the otherwise-invisible heavenly army surrounding them and protecting them. At this point, some of the tension must be relieved. This heavenly army will surely put to flight in a powerful way the Syrian army. But, no. God had a different plan. He doesn’t use the heavenly army that seems to be at Elisha’s disposal. Instead, he answers Elisha’s prayer that they be struck with blindness and then uses Elisha to lead this army into the heart of the capital of their enemy (Israel). The very one they came to capture leads them away to be captured. Elisha prays that their eyes would be opened, and what they see is as frightening to them as the heavenly armies were courage-inspiring to Elisha’s servant.

And the plot twists again. Because now we expect for them to be massacred by Israel, since they are one of their arch-enemies at the time. But there is mercy shown. Even grace in abundance. Before they are released and allowed to go home, they are given “a great feast.” A feast instead of certain death! And everyone wins – for the story ends with “the Syrians did not come again on raids into the land of Israel.” God restores peace to his people through his power and his mercy (at least temporarily).

Now in our place in history, we read this story and can see the way it points to one greater than Elisha, who did face certain death and expected defeat. He did not immediately lead out his enemies to be captured, but seemed to be captured by them. He died at their hands. But yet God’s surprising twist was that after all hope was lost, after three days of death, this man came back to life – resurrection power! And in his resurrection life, Jesus showed that our most powerful enemies of sin, death, and Satan will not disturb our peace again. They are forever vanquished. No power is left. But do I have eyes to see?

We have seen the way that these two stories in 2 Kings 6:1-23 offer to you and me a powerful reminder of what and who is for us, even when everything else feels like it is against us. But let’s be honest. What is it that you see in the midst of the hard things facing you – whether it be seemingly trivial everyday struggles like sick children, a busy schedule, financial hardship, sleepless nights or the bigger trials like whether you’ll lose your job, a break-up, a hopeless marriage, kids with disabilities, a husband who’s deployed, aging parents, a cancer diagnosis?

Too often, what I see is all skewed in the following four areas:

(1)  my troubles feel encompassing and eclipse anything else – any hope of relief or rescue or an end in sight. What I do with this is either succumb to despair, hopelessness, anger & resentment or I try to minimize them in my own power. Thinking “someone else has it worse.” Neither offers real relief.

(2)  I see my idols as too powerful, thinking that they are really going to come through for me this time. This time, getting angry at my kids will magically make them stop getting in the way of what I want. This time, Target will offer me some happiness. This relationship won’t disappoint. This friendship will be truly fulfilling and she’ll understand me perfectly. Working out, eating healthy, buying organic will save me from my distress.

(3)  What underlies this belief about my idols of choice and their power to save me is that ultimately, I have a skewed view of myself. I think that me being in control will make it better and I’d rather trust my own efforts, resources, and self-sufficiency than have to ask for help. Or worse yet, admit that I need outside rescue because I’m too blind to ask for what I really need.

(4)  And so this all stems from a view of God and his victory as small, pie in the sky, nonexistent, confined to the pages of a book full of stories that are irrelevant to my life.

What will make the difference? How can you begin to see clearly? The answer is simple but not easy, like so many things in our life of faith in the unseen Kingdom.

Ask to see.

Admit your fear.

Anticipate unexpected courage and grace.

For we in this story are like Elisha’s servant quaking with fear as he sees the army surrounding him. And we have one greater than Elisha leading the way and interceding (praying) for us to see. Jesus opens our eyes to the battle waging around us (Ephesians 6) but instead of inspiring fear we are given courage for the victory has already been won. He has gone before us. And in those moments when we feel enslaved by our own sin – captured by the enemy, as it were – we are promised a feast and a forever Home. Unexpected grace because of Jesus who claims all who believe in his life, death, and resurrection as his very own children. We are hidden with Christ in God, and so in seeing through the eyes of Christ – as he opens our eyes to the true state of things, our perspective changes:

(1)  my troubles are now “light and momentary, achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

(2)  my idols are weak and powerless – “eyes but cannot see, ears but cannot hear” (Isaiah)

(3)  I am strong when I am weak (2 Cor. 12:9-10) – needy and yet given grace that’s all sufficient for every need, big or little; sinful yet forgiven – not beaten down by sin. Romans 8 – “In all these things, we are more than conquerors.”

(4)  God and his victory looms larger than the trials, is more sure than my idols, and is where I can find true refuge. Romans 8 – “If God is for us, who can be against us?”

In summary, 1 John 4:4 is true for you and I: “Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”

Pray to have eyes to see God as bigger than your troubles, your idols, and yourself; and spend time looking. Help others to see – enter their troubles with them and point them to Jesus.

On my very bad, horrible, no good evening when all seemed against me, God showed up. He showed up through a friend who offered to come home with me and help put the twins to bed. I could barely utter a prayer, but I did speak to her of my distress and she answered – reminding me of the God who is for me, in the little and the big things. And this began to change the way I was seeing life. Let us be ones who help one another to see God’s involvement in big and little troubles as we together open our eyes to God’s sure victory and real presence with us. 

2 Kings 6:1-23 – Finding God in the big and small troubles of life, part 1

This is the manuscript for a talk I gave at my church’s weekly women’s Bible study this morning in our study of Elijah and Elisha in 1 and 2 Kings. It’s been such a rich semester. It’s a privilege to teach alongside so many other gifted teachers as well. I always learn so much, both in listening and in preparing my own talks.

***

It was the perfect storm, and everything felt like it was against me. I was outnumbered by my two-year-old twin daughters by 2:1. It was another evening meeting that my husband the associate pastor was helping with, meaning that we had not seen him all day AND that I would have to get the girls ready and bring them to this church event solo. Which started about 30 minutes before their bedtime, and so I was already dreading having to do the bedtime task solo with two cranky, overtired toddlers after the event was over. It was during a busy week with a lot on our calendars and on my mind.  Then, like the proverbial “icing on the cake,” while I was getting Alethia ready upstairs, Lucia was unusually quiet. I came down to discover that she had gotten a magic marker out of a plastic bag on top of a bookshelf (that I didn’t know she could reach), and was applying the bright green marker to her mouth as if it were lipstick. Yes, BRIGHT GREEN. And sweet girl doesn’t have much experience with lipstick application (of course), which meant that it was also inside her mouth all over her teeth and tongue. I wish I had laughed. But instead I yelled at her and her sister while I attempted to scrub out the green marker from her mouth. Then we rushed out the door. And I felt utterly defeated, both by the circumstances and then my sinful response to them.  A feeling that meant I was less than warm to the visitor sitting next to me who kindly asked me where my husband was. I gruffly replied I didn’t know. (You see, it was naturally Seth’s fault that my day/evening had been hard and so I felt resentful towards him and implicated him as one of the many forces working against me, too.)

Is this scene familiar to you? The details are different, but have you had a day or week, or year, or decade, when everything felt like it was against you? Maybe you feel like that today. Where do you turn? What did you do to survive? Where did you feel like God was in your picture? Truth be told, God felt pretty absent that evening. In fact, although the irony is that I was going to a meeting at church, I didn’t really think about him at all other than to mutter some angry complaints in God’s direction.

These two stories in 2 Kings 6:1-23 offer to you and me a powerful reminder of what and who is for us, even when everything else feels like it is against us. But do you have eyes to see God as bigger than what faces you? What kind of picture of God do these stories give us and how can that give you trust in either small or big matters that feel overwhelming? God addresses both the trivial, seemingly insignificant problems of one individual in distress and the larger matters of entire kingdoms warring against one another. What do you find it harder to trust God with – your everyday trials or the big life crises? No matter where you find yourself struggling today, God has a message for you in these stories as he shows his strong, powerful presence in both little and big things.

Part 1: An axe head floats, rescuing a prophet from impossible debt

To fully understand the significance of this seemingly insignificant story, we have to do a little background work into the culture of the day. Most importantly, we need to know the value of the lost iron axe head. One commentator (“Faith in the Face of Apostasy” by Ray Dillard) said that because of the high value of iron during this time, it would be the modern equivalent of wrecking a borrowed car. We get a hint of this prophet’s distress as he cries out to Elisha, “Alas, my master! It was borrowed.” The Israelite hearer would have known immediately that this was no small loss, and that the only way a prophet could hope to repay such a debt would be to become an indentured servant. (Dillard) With the loss of the axe head, the prophet also saw his life drowning away with unlimited debt as well. Enter Elisha’s miracle, and the immense restoration it was for this prophet when he was able to make the iron float. As the prophet takes up the lost axe head now found, we can breathe a sigh of relief along with him as we see disaster and debt averted. God is immensely personal, intimately involved in what seems the smallest details of our lives. Do you pray about “the small stuff”? Or where do you turn when frustrated with life’s daily struggles?

This story shows God as the one more powerful than the popular gods of that day who could not stand up to “Judge River and Prince Sea,” but threatened to destroy Baal (the most popular god of that day). In this story, God is not threatened by the waters but proves once again his power over the waters, which do his bidding. And in this story we see the hope of future restoration pictured, when the forces of creation will join in our labor rather than resist it in futility. Even more, just as God rescued the prophet from certain debt, you and I can know that God has rescued us from our eternal debt of sin through Jesus Christ – he is the guarantee that all of our debts will be paid.

Can your idols or false refuges do this for you? Do they rescue you when you’re overwhelmed? Or do they add to the stress you feel? When I feel overwhelmed and turn to my favorite “popular idols of the day” for rescue (like retail therapy, Instagram, Facebook, gossip, complaint, chocolate, anger), these only give me more reason to feel overwhelmed. When was the last time that looking at Facebook, scrolling through Pinterest or Instagram actually made you feel more connected to others? I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I am suggesting it’s unlikely to do anything besides leave you feeling more hopeless and lonely and overwhelmed. Because those aren’t meant to save you. Only God can. And often I forget that God’s with me in the everyday stresses and frustrations of life which make me turn to these “little gods” to deal with my “little problems,” as I think and assume that my big God is too busy with bigger things to worry with what I’m facing in my little world. But this story confronts my unbelief and invites me to trust my big God with not only the big life crises but also my everyday trials. As a mostly stay-at-home mom of preschoolers, this is where I live my life right now. So if God can’t meet me here, or I don’t turn to him even in the small distresses, this will erode my trust of God for the bigger life events, too. Which means that the opposite is also true – I can bolster my trust of God for the big crises by turning to him in these small moments of life. If God is sovereign at all, he is sovereign over all … big and little.