twins

Bed rest doesn’t guarantee spiritual rest …

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 1 Comment

Strangely enough, that’s one thing that I’m learning now that I’m at home and on bed rest “for the duration.” We hope it’s several more weeks so that these girls can fully develop, and yet I’ve noticed that there is still the pull away from true soul rest. I could spend each day engaged in lots of activity that would leave my soul more tired instead of more rested. There’s the almost infinite pull of the internet — blogs to read, online shopping, news websites, youtube videos … and none of these are bad in and of themselves, but I could quite easily spend an entire day doing just that. And not to mention wearing out my eyesight, it could be a bit of a soul-depletion rather than rest. Then there’s the endless TV shows and movies to watch. And magazines and newspapers to read. And “preparing for twins” books to read. Not to mention trying to plan the nursery and think through what’s needed for our new home (and then ask others to do what I am limited to do by bed rest).

Ironically, rest is a topic that I’ve read a lot about and longed for in the past few years of busyness. The kind of rest Jesus invites us into when he says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28) The rest spoken of by the Psalmist in Psalm 116:7 – “Return, oh my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.” And so it seems that all the study and teaching on rest now has the opportunity to be fully experienced.

Yet I must still be intentional to rest. To remember that it is more important for me to communicate with my Father in prayer than to promptly answer every phone call and email. To allow my soul rest by soaking in God’s Word daily instead of exclusively devouring entertainment literature. To not have to fill each moment with “noise” but to allow my soul to rest and be restored in these moments of silence and solitude. To take time to reflect and capture the unique lessons of this season in writing instead of wishing the days and hours away.

This is not to say that any of those other activities are bad in & of themselves, but I must remember “everything in its season.” And I don’t want to miss the truly important things Jesus has for me to learn during this season. It’s kind of like boot camp preparation for being a mom to twins. I will certainly wish I had soaked up each moment to rest as I look back on this season (perhaps even wistfully) on the other side of the twins’ birth.

For those of you who have been on bed rest, what helped you to cultivate soul rest?

Trusting God when you’re expecting, part 2: what to do about fear

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 5 Comments

It’s 6:15 am and I’m awake. These baby girls’ kicking awoke me this morning. They’re active in the morning (unlike their mom, generally speaking). I am glad that they’re getting some exercise … but wow, has their movement kicked up a notch over the last week (pun intended)! Seth was finally able to feel their movement last Thursday, which is fun to have him join in the excitement of the ever-dawning reality of two lives being knit together inside me.

The next two topics I want to address in my “trusting God when you’re expecting” series are fears/anxieties and body image. And which one do I begin with? I think I’ll go with the fear/anxiety topic first because I feel as if that’s such a huge place to learn to trust God while pregnant. Soon after finding out we were pregnant, I wrote this: “I think this pregnancy journey will certainly reveal the fear factory my heart often can be: there are truly an almost infinite number of things to worry about, over which I have virtually no control.” If the last post focused on how my heart is a desire factory, this one is about how my heart is also quite expert at producing fear, too. Pregnancy only magnifies this!

I have noticed that I have moved through different stages of fear along the journey of this pregnancy so far. Initially, there was the fear of losing the baby through miscarriage. I have had several friends who have walked through this grief, and I would imagine there are many more who have experienced this yet have not shared the grief with me or others. It’s such a private pain, really. I experienced some unsettling symptoms early on in our pregnancy that led us to think that I might be miscarrying. It was terrifying and dreadful as we waited for our first doctor’s appointment. The wait seemed to be forever – and then to finally be there and anticipate bad news … there just is no way to prepare yourself for that.

Here’s an entry from my journal early during those weeks of waiting:

“Lord, I do not want to be consumed by worry over what I cannot control anyway! So I’m officially crying out to you for help in a big way today. Make this refrain of Psalm 136 mine as well: “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.”

“…to him who led his people through the wilderness for his steadfast love endures forever;

It is he who remembered us in our low estate, For his steadfast love endures forever;

And rescued us from our foes [fear], For his steadfast love endures forever.”

Help me in my unbelief – in my insatiable desire to control the uncontrollable [having a miscarriage] and to know the unknowable [whether this baby is healthy].”

That’s the thing with anxiety: it is my attempt to control what I cannot control – and in fact, what is not mine to control. My role was to actively trust God, come what may. Easy to say when looking in the “rear-view mirror” of life but it feels impossible when you’re in the midst of the dark valley of death’s shadow. I remember repeating over and over again the words of Psalm 23 and Psalm 139, seeking to meditate on these truths of my Shepherd and entrust these little lives into His care. Practically, I also restricted myself from searching on the internet for more information, as this only served to increase my fear and anxiety at all of the “what ifs” out there.

As the fear of miscarriage faded a bit with each week, it was replaced with the fear of “how in the world will I take care of TWO babies?” This is an anxiety that I am still working through. It certainly comes in waves. For example, I remember the day I went grocery shopping and noticed how cute a mom and her baby were. Immediately following this was the realization that grocery carts don’t have space for TWO infants! And my “natural” fear/thought progression led me to the conclusion that I would never be able to even venture out to buy groceries by myself after the twins’ birth. (twin friends, please leave me in blissful ignorance if that is, in fact, true) I fear the loss of my independence.

Other fears that I experienced especially during the first trimester included fears of whether I was eating enough and the right kinds of food to nourish the babies, whether I was unknowingly exposing them to harmful toxins (did using my aerosol hairspray once or twice damage them? What about the day they were refinishing the floors at my workplace and I smelled the fumes for a few hours?), even how my fears and anxiety might have a negative impact on their growth and development.

More than any pregnancy book I turned to for answers (and there were a lot – a book review post will be coming at some point in time), reading this book on anxiety, Calm My Anxious Heart (by Linda Dillow), and hearing sermons on the book of Hebrews about the faithfulness of God reminded me of God’s care and provision. The God who created the universe is intricately involved in my life, speaking to my fears and reassuring me with His presence – in fact, inviting me into His presence. And I have many friends who helped to demonstrate this truth to me through their prayers and encouraging words and presence with me.

Where does fear show up currently? As I approach the end of my second trimester (23 weeks along … just a couple more weeks until trimester #3), I have (naturally) begun worrying about whether I’ll go into premature labor. This fear is certainly grounded in the risks associated with twin pregnancy, as they are much more likely to arrive earlier than their due date, but I find myself again in the realm of needing to actively trust in a God who knows when these babies will be born. This doesn’t mean that I throw caution to the wind. In fact, I have stopped exercising vigorously and I am more tuned in to resting when I’m tired (novel concept for me) and seeking to continue to eat well. Yet beyond that, the details of when these babies will arrive is really out of my hands.

A few years ago at a baby shower, a woman in my church who was pregnant with her fourth child at the time told me that pregnancy was the best opportunity she had been given to learn how to surrender completely to God because every aspect of pregnancy, labor, and delivery is really out of your control. That has stuck with me, and I pray that I will continue to grow in trust – rather than fear – throughout the remaining weeks of this pregnancy.

Are there more fears? Of course … this post just began to scratch the surface. So you’ll have to buy my book one day to read more!

trusting God when you’re expecting, part 1: using pregnancy as an excuse to be self-indulgent

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 6 Comments

One of the popular pregnancy books is the “What To Expect” series. I’ve read bits and pieces of a few of them and they are helpful enough, but one of my desires in pregnancy is to find a book that addresses the spiritual side of pregnancy . I want a book that highlights both the unique joys and struggles of this season, and points readers to the hope of the gospel and the truth of God’s promises to encourage them during this unique time. I haven’t found it yet. So I think I just might write it, and I would call it “Trusting God When You’re Expecting.” Read along for the first installment that I write … the first of many, I hope.

How can I believe Christ more than I believe some of the lies the “culture of pregnancy” in America would tell me? First of all, I can’t fall prey to the temptation to use pregnancy as an excuse to indulge unduly. Everyone says, “you’re pregnant – so you should have what you want!” It’s a little similar to the “bride-zilla” phenomena engaged women planning a wedding face – suddenly this new stage of life becomes an excuse to act how you want and get whatever you want because “you’re the bride,” or in my case, “you’re pregnant.” And I do think this can be heightened because, “I’m pregnant with TWINS.”

It’s easy for me to put a guilt trip on Seth and use pregnancy as a reason to be waited on hand and foot. [quick aside: while I was sick with a really bad cold/cough for two weeks and when I was experiencing some complications at the beginning of our pregnancy, it was necessary for me to lay low and for Seth to do much more than usual … but I’ve had to be careful not to take advantage of that now that I am physically better] Just last week, when Seth took the last serving of a meal, I said (with a bit of humor, granted), “You’re stealing food from the babies!” (because I had wanted another helping, too) Now that’s just not fair if I really began to think like that for everything!

It’s also easy to use the “pregnancy hormones” as an excuse to act demanding, critical, or even plain ole mean. Again, Seth usually gets the brunt of this behavior. There are days when I have felt emotionally “off” but these days should make me more dependent on God, more prayerful as I ask for sufficient grace, and more careful with my words and attitudes than other days. I am convinced that the Spirit’s power at work in me is greater than pregnancy hormones (if it worked to raise Jesus from the dead, I don’t think the Spirit can be limited by hormonal changes).

I’ve noticed that pregnancy enhances my natural bent to want to be self-indulgent, too. “Because I’m pregnant” can easily become an excuse to spend more than I should on clothes, shoes, jewelry, etc … all the “vain things that charm me most.” I would love to use pregnancy as an excuse for monthly manicures and pedicures. And let’s add massages to the list, while I’m at it. And why not buy the dream car I’ve always wanted? We’ll need it for the twins’ arrival, after all. (and, no, it’s not a mini-van but an SUV) Desires can easily take me over.

So what do I need to remember to battle these pregnancy-shaped temptations? That God, as before and as always, has given me everything I need for life and godliness [not self-indulgence]. That God will give me grace that’s abundant for my situation so that I can love Him and others better. That no temptation is too great for me to bear and God will always provide a way of escape. And, most importantly of all, that I can’t do this on my own! I will fail and I will succomb to these temptations, but I have a Savior who died even for that and who lives now to give me life and hope and daily grace. I won’t do any of this perfectly, and I don’t have to, because Jesus has already lived the perfect life for me and intercedes for me as my eternal High Priest. He is the one who has fought and overcome each of these temptations for me, and my role is to depend on Him and live in light of that truth and hope of victory.

why i love the 2nd trimester

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 4 Comments

No lies – the first trimester was not really fun. I felt more exhausted than I could imagine was possible (to the point that putting my clothes away at the end of the day felt like too much effort!); semi-nauseous most of the day – most days (but not nearly as bad as many other friends); and I had a few complications early in the pregnancy that meant forced rest (so hard for me as one who likes to measure the day’s success by what I’ve accomplished). The best advice that I got during that trimester was:

(1) to eat constantly as a way of staving off nausea (counter-intuitive though it was – it helped tremendously!)

(2) get an anti-nausea prescription when it just felt too overwhelming  – which I did at week 11 (thank you, Anne and Lisa!)

(3) rest when you’re tired (which meant frequent naps)

And now that I’m 19 weeks into this twin pregnancy, my experience of being pregnant is so much different. A few reasons why I love it (or at least prefer it to trimester #1):

  • my energy really did return (not entirely – still going to bed earlier than my previous “normal” – but I can do most tasks like before)
  • the nausea faded gradually and completely
  • I look pregnant now and all of our friends and family know (no veiled excuses of “I’m not feeling well … let’s reschedule”)
  • beginning the registry process really is so much fun (we’re registered at Babies R Us, Target, and Restoration Hardware Baby & Child) – helps us imagine the reality of these babies’ arrival this fall
  • I can feel the babies move … just the tiniest of movements now that I began identifying last week (they apparently love the beach, ice cream, and Wendell Kimbrough’s music – great house show last Saturday night, Sabins!)
  • and best of all … we found out their genders: TWO GIRLS!

On this last point, this was actually a surprise to me. My intuition was that it was two boys or a boy and a girl … so I was totally wrong. Seth is trying to gear up for a house full of women yet I know these daughters will be wrapped around their daddy’s little finger from day one. I must say that girls’ clothes and nursery decor is much cuter than for boys … so it’s fun to picture their room and imagine them in these tiny outfits we’re registering for.

After another doctor appointment today, she confirmed that they seem to be progressing well and that I am also healthy. It’s such a relief to be able to hear their little heartbeats every two weeks … one benefit of a twin pregnancy (frequent office visits!). A coming post will be a review of the myriads of books on twins, pregnancy, babies … Seth and I are avid readers and are seeking to prepare ourselves as best we can through education. Yet I have a feeling that no amount of reading will be able to prepare us for the overwhelming excitement of becoming parents of TWO this fall. Instant family … !

a new type of hidden glory

/ Heather Davis Nelson / 5 Comments

Follow the pictures which tell the story of a new type of hidden glory I am 15 weeks into exploring:

And our reactions to that unmistakable “plus sign”:

No, Seth really was excited … I just caught him in this photo with a weird expression on his face.

And we were both a bit overwhelmed/scared, too, as any first-time parents will be. Then, let’s skip ahead a couple weeks to our first doctor’s appointment, when the sonographer showed us this image:

week 6 ultrasound

She interpreted the screen for us, telling us the TWO black portions were the TWO embryonic sacs for our TWO babies – “Baby A” and “Baby B” as they are now called in the medical world. We are having twins!! So our initial shock and excitement at pregnancy was, literally, doubled. As well as the accompanying overwhelming emotions and thoughts at trying to picture our family size instantly doubling, come some time this fall.

The FAQ’s:

“When are you due?” October 11th – but twins usually come at least 2 weeks early, so they’ll probably be September babies

[and the most asked question] “Do twins run in your family?” Yes, they do.  My maternal grandfather was a twin as well as Seth’s great-grandfather, but only the Mom’s side counts as far as the genetics go. No twins have appeared in either family since then, so our families are particularly ecstatic. My grandfather was a Congressman and his twin brother was a Baptist minister, so that seems to be a pretty good “twin” legacy for our family.

“What do your parents think?” Both grandparents-to-be are thrilled. Since Seth is an only child, these are the first grandchildren for Mom and Dad Nelson. My parents already adore being grandparents to precious Caleb, who’s almost a year old, so they are tickled pink to get the chance to have TWO more grandchildren so soon. I personally think Caleb is the most excited of us all, since now he’ll have cousins to play with. 🙂

“How do you feel?” I was unbelievably exhausted and intermittently nauseous until about week 12, when my energy returned and the nausea dissipated. What has stayed constant is HUNGER though. To be eating for three is actually quite the challenge. I literally eat almost hourly. Or else I become really hungry.

Speaking of which … time to go raid the ever-emptying refrigerator. There will be many more posts, I’m sure.

One last thought on the miracle of this “hidden glory”: because I’m having twins, I get to go to the doctor every two weeks and have an ultrasound each time. Since the very first day when we heard both heartbeats, it never ceases to amaze me of the miracle of two lives being created inside me. At week 14, these babies already had eyelashes and eyebrows! Wow … what glory … still hidden, but being revealed week-by-week with my ever-expanding appetite and belly – and with the modern technology of the ultrasound.